Derailed

It was bound to happen. I knew that. The question that remained was when. Would I see it coming? The signs were there, but I chose to ignore them. So, it wasn’t a surprise when I ended up derailed.

Change is Hard

I know that change is hard. Since mid-April, I’ve been trying to change behaviours—create good habits to support my creative dreams, my mindset, and my attitude. I could blame a lot of different things for why not a lot has change. But, really, that fault is mine. I couldn’t commit the way I needed to, the way I thought I could. Yes, I made some progress, but it didn’t last because I always fell back into what was comfortable.

Derailed, I lost sight of what mattered, and the excuses started piling up. I let the pain in my foot stop me from running. Not that the pain wasn’t real, but that I was too afraid to push myself. As my writing progress slowed, I blamed it on my job and the weird hours I worked. But, really, I’d stopped making it a priority. Making fewer healthy food choices, I cited lack of time. Really, though, it was a question of will…which I had quickly given up.

Derailed

Here’s the thing: being derailed is a state of being. It doesn’t have to be permanent. In fact, staying in the derailment too long may make you complacent. Take time to acknowledge why you are where you are, accept it, and then make a plan to get yourself out of it. That’s what I’m doing. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but this is not the life I imagine for myself.

I got knocked down. But now I’m ready, and determined, to land on my feet again.

I’m reminding you today that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And you don’t need anyone’s permission to be—wholly and unapologetically—who you are.