Change is F*cking Hard

I’ve always been that person who, in everything they do, aims for perfection. It’s an unrealistic goal that often leaves me frustrated with myself. And that frustration with myself has peaked as I’ve struggled, over the past few months, to change some habits and, by extension, change my life. Even when I know what I need to do, change is f*cking hard.

Bring It Back to Why

Whenever I struggle to change a habit, and that’s been a lot lately, I remind myself to bring it back to my why. If I want to become a prolific writer, and I’m not writing enough, I go back to my why: because I want to challenge the assumptions we have of each other and ourselves, and to show the resilience of the human spirit. That not everything is perfect, not everything is fair, and not everything will be easy. But through the darkness, the chaos, the disappointments, the joys, the successes, we can find our way, our light. That helps get me back to the page. Still, it is a daily battle against distractions to stay focused, to not so willing accept that change is f*cking hard and do the work.

It’s funny how as soon as the cardiologist told me one of my valves wasn’t functioning properly, I immediately switched to a low sodium diet. During my next trip to the grocery store, I scrutinized every label of whatever I picked up. Too much sodium? Back on the shelf it went. No matter how bland my meals, I don’t reach for the saltshaker. Because my why is strong. I can’t become a prolific writer if my heart stops working.

Change is F*cking Hard

If you want to know why change is f*cking hard, let’s turn to Rob Dial, who puts it succinctly in his book, Level Up: “It becomes so easy to tell ourselves a story that isn’t true, but our identity, the character we embrace, can easily keep us stuck in our ways so things never change, so that we never make it to the next level.”¹ Or Brendon Burchard, who writes in his book, High Performance Habits, that “If you really want to make your mark, you’ll have to grow more to give more, and that won’t feel easy or natural.”² And on the days we need to encourage ourselves to push on, we must remember, as Jim Rohn advises in The Power of Ambition, to “Be responsible for and to yourself. It’s your crop to harvest. Whatever your harvest is, take it without complaint. Take it without blaming others.”³

Just because change will challenge us, push us around—even try to stamp us out—we must hold fast. It’s why every time I think about reaching for my phone, I remind myself of my why and am now getting better at sitting down again to write. When I stare longingly at the KitKat bar as I’m scanning my grocery items at the checkout, I remind myself of my why: healthy today, live to see tomorrow (hopefully). Just because change is f*cking hard, don’t let it stop you from creating and living your worthwhile life.

And, yes, I’m going to remind you again today that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And, best of all, you do not need anyone’s permission to be—unapologetically—who you are.

1. Dial, R. (2023). Level Up: How to Get Focused, Stop Procrastinating, and Upgrade Your Life, p. 32 [↩]
2. Burchard, B. (2017). High Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become that Way, New York, Hay House, Inc., p. 41. [↩]
3. Rohn, J. (2022). The Power of Ambition: Awakening the Powerful Force Within You, Shippensburg, Nightingale-Conant-Corporation, p. 62. [↩]