Marcus Lopés

Author

routine

5 Rules to Live By

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As a kid, I hated rules. That’s because rules weren’t fun. They were meant to mould my behaviour and, perhaps unknowingly, stifle my creativity.

Rule: I had to eat everything on my plate before I left the table (that was hard, especially on the nights my father served burnt, chewy liver for dinner).

Rule: I couldn’t stay out late on a school night.

Rule: As long as I lived in my parents’ house, I’d do as they say.

Rules sucked. Big time.

Breaking the Rules

It probably comes as no surprise that, growing up, I was a rule breaker. Tell me I couldn’t do something, and I’d set out to prove that I could. Tell me I had to do something one way, I’d do it a different way and achieve the same result. ‘Rebelling’ was second-nature to me. In a way, it led me down the path to becoming who I am today.

Breaking the rules taught me a valuable lesson: that I had what it takes to be who I am, and not who others wish me to be. It came with a ‘price’ in that the people who wanted me to remain the same — friends and family alike — eventually slipped out of my life. To be honest, for a time that bothered me. But only until I understood that being my truest self is the greatest gift I could give to myself and the world. Marianne Williamson says it best:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 1

 

Not being small meant doing the thing that I love the most: writing. As I gave myself over to it, there was a mega shift in how I looked at rules. I saw their potential, how they could help me create the life I wanted.

From Rule Breaker to Rule Setter

When I first knew I wanted to be a writer, my goal (naïve as it was then) was to sign on with a well-known publishing company like HarperCollins or Penguin, or a literary agency. Self-publishing and being an indie author like we know them today didn’t exist. The one thing an emerging writer like myself wanted to avoid was being swindled by a vanity press.

Since then, the publishing industry has been completely turned on its head. Now, it’s easy and affordable for writers to publish their own works through Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) and other platforms. The competition is fierce, which makes it hard to get your book to stand out in a crowded marketplace.

But when you do what you love, you don’t throw in the towel when the rejection letters start piling up. You don’t give up, either, when your first book flops (as mine did). You try, try, and try again because this is the thing that you must do. It’s the reason you’re here on earth. It’s your calling. And you must heed the call.

I write for the love of writing, to tell a story, to [I hope] offer a unique view of the world. And even though most days the idea of ambition and being successful makes me squeamish — almost like I don’t feel I deserve it — my aim is to write full-time. It’s why I show up every day to write. My dream won’t come true without me putting in the time and doing the necessary work.

Working to build a writing career around a day job, familial responsibilities and life in general, it’s pretty easy for me to get distracted. To stave off distraction — procrastination, resistance, self-doubt, etc. — I needed rules to get me through each day. When I became a self-published author, and responsible for marketing and promoting my book, rules became even more important. I had to find balance, especially when dealing with social media, which permeates all aspects of our lives.

Yes, I needed rules to stay focused and increase my productivity as I worked to achieve my goals. For me, it all comes down to this:

5 Rules to Live By

    1. Get up early: I’ve always been a morning person, but for over a year now I’ve been getting up around 4:30 am to jumpstart the day. That quiet time of day is when I do some of my most focused work without distraction. And by the time noon rolls around, I’ve checked off quite a few items on my to-do list.
    2. Do the most important thing first: Most days I succeed in tackling the most important task on my to-do list first. Usually, this is the project that requires the most focus and effort. Doing it first thing in the morning when I’m at my best makes the work feel ‘effortless.’
    3. Eliminate distractions: For the longest time, I tried to eliminate distractions on my own. You know, power down the phone and hide it somewhere out of sight. Close the internet navigator. Turn off the TV. Yet I often found myself saying, “Oh, I’ll just quickly check my e-mail.” Two hours later, I’ve not only checked my e-mail, but I’ve also squandered away time on Twitter, Facebook and CNN.

      About three years ago, I discovered StayFocusd, a Google Chrome extension that blocks the internet. And earlier this year I started using Freedom, which blocks the use of all apps on my iPhone. Together, StayFocusd and Freedom have decreased the time I waste online (procrastination) and significantly increased my productivity. I’m writing more. I’m finishing more projects. I feel like I’m actually moving forward.
    4. Manage social media engagement: I think I’ll always have a love-hate relationship with social media. I love it because of how I can connect with writers and readers from all over the world. I feel like I’m a part of a vibrant, supportive and encouraging community. I hate social media because it can suck you in and, before you know it, half the day is gone. (That’s another reason why I use StayFocusd and Freedom.)

      Apps like Freedom can only do so much. At some point, I had to practice self-control and self-discipline. And that meant learning to be purposeful in my use of social media. With Facebook, for example, I aim to post three or four times a week. Some may say that’s not enough, but it works for me and I don’t feel pressured to produce content that no one’s going to pay attention to.

      Twitter is my pandora’s box. I had to find a way to not let it overwhelm. So, about six weeks ago I made two important decisions that would impact my use of Twitter. 1. I’d only check in (reply to or like tweets) on Wednesdays and Fridays (days were chosen arbitrarily); and 2. I’d no longer check Direct Messages (DMs). These two decisions have helped me to reclaim my day, allowing me to focus on what really matters.
    5. Take care of yourself: As a child, I didn’t have an iPhone or xBox, and I wasn’t racing around the city playing Pokémon Go. (We had Atari and the Commodore 64 … do you remember those?) So, on sunny days I was always outside playing. In my late teens and my twenties, especially as a university student, I was a nerd and loved to be inside reading and writing.

      In 2008, I stepped on a scale (for the first time in over five years because I had the Blanche Devereaux mindset that my weight of 175 pounds never changed) to see the needle move past the 200-pound mark. I was devastated. It was the middle of February, -25°C, and in the cold of the night I decided to start running. Not knowing how to dress for a winter run, I ended up sick as a dog for two weeks.

      But that day changed my life. Not only did those unwanted pounds fall away in the weeks that followed, but running became a habit, one that’s held strong for ten years now. Best of all, running got me out of the house and living a more active life.

      And more recently, I’ve stopped drinking, reduced my sugar and salt intake, and in addition to running I’m also working out regularly (thanks to the Nike Training App). I have more energy, feel a lot better about myself and am enjoying all that life has to offer. I love running because it helps to clear my head, zone out … become one with myself. It’s also the time when I have my ‘Conversations with Oprah.’ In the zone, I can hear Ms. Winfrey asking those big life questions to one of her guests on Super Soul Sunday. Only I’m the guest, and when I hear myself give the answer there’s clarity — about how to move a story forward, or how to deal with a situation that I’ve been struggling with. I always come back from a run enlightened and energized, ready to take my game to the next level.

      We mustn’t neglect ourselves. We are our most valuable resource. When we take care of our body, mind and spirit, we are ready for whatever comes our way. And we know that there is nothing we can’t do.

Be Who You Are

These are my rules. They work for me as I strive to create the life I imagine — to let loose the truest, ultimate expression of who I am. I can’t afford to break them. Breaking the rules creates havoc and puts everything I’ve worked hard to achieve at risk.

As I continue to evolve, the rules may change or need to be tweaked.

But for now … I’ll keep playing by the rules.

Do you have any rules you live by? How do you stay focused? What is the one thing that is holding you back? What is the one thing you can change to allow yourself to move forward? Let me know in the comments section below.

Never Give Up

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Every day I write. In the morning. In the afternoon. Sometimes in the evening.

It’s not a choice for me.

It’s a calling. And when I stopped running away from myself, I heeded the call.

You see, when my pen touches the page, that’s when I feel grounded, centred … at one with myself and the world.

Writing is the truest expression of who I am.

The ‘Why’

I don’t write with the aim of becoming a New York Times bestselling author or hoping to win the Man Booker International Prize. Sure, those things could happen, but that’s not what keeps me in the game.

Writing is about witnessing the world around me, taking a snapshot of a moment in time — and trying to make sense of it all. Writing lets me tell a story through a different lens, from the experiences that have shaped my life and helped me to become who I am. Writing frees me from the hate, intolerance and misunderstandings plaguing our world today. Writing is a golden opportunity to showcase the beauty that is this world and the great things we’ve done — and can still do — when we come together in spite of our differences.

That’s why I must write … every day. When I don’t write, I’m irritable, grumpy and feel like I’ve lost my footing. That’s how I often felt on days when I went without coffee (before I gave up caffeine).

Like I said, it’s not a choice for me. If it were, I would have abandoned writing when my novel, Freestyle Love, flopped in 2011. But I kept writing and, not letting self-doubt get the better of me, self-published The Flowers Need Watering in 2017. I could have given up after receiving countless rejections from various literary journals and publishers. Instead, I kept writing, honing my skills and opted to share my stories online through Twitter Fiction Tuesdays (#TwitFicTues) and my Fiction Friday series.

Yes, I kept writing for the love of the work, to see it through to completion, to — in some small way — be of service.

Never Give Up

Despite my passion, despite my commitment, there are still days when I ask myself: What’s the point? Am I on the right path? Is anyone paying attention? So, I take a moment to remind myself of what Steven Pressfield says in, Do the Work!: “Resistance is a repelling force. It’s negative. Its aim is to shove us away, distract us, prevent us from doing our work.”1

That’s when I buckle down and focus. Resistance won’t have dominion over me.

When we write, paint, compose — create — for the love of it, I feel like that’s the moment when providence moves. The stars align and our creative world comes into focus. We know exactly where we are, where we want to go, and what we need to do to get there.

When we show up each day for the love of the work, we know we have the necessary courage and faith to do whatever it takes to make our dreams come true.

That’s why we’ll never give up.

Take a Deep Breath

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Throughout this long writing journey, I’ve had one steady companion: Doubt.

Doubt tells me I’ll never succeed. That I’m wasting my time. That I’m an amateur and that I’ll never be anything more than that. Some days, Doubt almost has me convinced that all of these things are true. That’s when I know Doubt has power over me and I’m the one feeding it.

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been in a ‘funk’ that I’ve been struggling to shake off. There are peaks and valleys in life, right? Well, I’ve been stuck way, way down in one. And that wouldn’t be so bad if it were like Pine Valley and I was living the glamorous life of Erica Kane. But it’s been something altogether different. It’s kept me on edge, left me battling procrastination and, to a certain degree, not giving a f*ck about much.

It’s that last one … that’s when I knew something was off.

And it was this: I’d let Doubt bully me, then seduce me away from the work I’m most passionate about. Writing.

So, during my recent staycation, I brought the war to Doubt’s front door by setting up and following a routine. I started each day, like I always do, with my Morning Pages. After that, I either went for a run or worked out using the Nike Training App. Then I stuck to a schedule that had me working — and making progress — on various writing projects.

Writing shields me from Doubt’s strangling grip.

Writing reminds me of my worth.

Writing takes away my fears.

And Doubt coupled with fear is a deadly combination. Lately, I’ve been consumed by fear. I’m afraid that, maybe, Steven Pressfield is right, and Nobody Wants to Read Your Sh*t. Afraid that the revised version of Freestyle Love, that I’m hoping to rerelease this year, will be a flop like the first. Afraid that I’m not on the right path.

Then something strange happened, something that I’ve never experienced before (or at least I’d never been conscious of because of my on-again-off-again relationship with God).

On the day I returned to work earlier in the month, I sat down to write my Morning Pages. Before beginning, I asked (or maybe it was more of a prayer) this question: What do I do next? My hand sped across the page, capturing the words as the Universe/God/Life spoke directly to me.

This is what I heard:

Accept Your Situation

Accept where you are and make the best of it. As much as you may be tempted, don’t ‘abandon ship’ (i.e., quit the day job). You need a roof over your head and food on the table. That’s the way life works. But you can, outside of the pesky day job, work on what you’re most passionate about. That means being present where you are. This is your moment in life, so enjoy it. Stop trying to run towards some uncertain future. Today, you can finish the rewrite. Today, you can start a new story. Today, you can cherish the people in your life who support and encourage you.

Procrastination isn’t the ‘Devil’

If you want to procrastinate, fine, just accept it. It’s okay not to want to work sometimes.

Getting Past Discouragement

When you feel discouraged, like you want to give up, write something. Not with the expectation of glory — of being published or revered. Write to soothe your soul, to clear out the inner critic from inside your head. Write to remind yourself of who you are and why you do what you do. Remember, life is a journey. Each day presents opportunities to grow as a person and as a writer. The question is this: Are you paying attention?

So, Pay Attention

Pay attention to how you spend your time. Do you really need to watch The Bourne Identity again? Really, you could play Jason Bourne because you can recite all the lines from beginning to end. In the ninety minutes it’d take to watch it, you could write a blog post or edit that short story that’s been sitting on the corner of your desk for months. Have you counted how many times a day you check your Twitter feed or KDP reports? Add that up over the past six months and you could have had plenty of time to visit the AGO like you talked about. Have you thought about asking for help with some of the household chores? Maybe you’d feel less tired or like you never have enough time in the day to get everything done. Don’t give up the cooking, though. You make delicious meals from scratch — Bolognese, cinnamon buns, gnocchi, apple pie. It’s another form of creativity in your life that keeps you healthy and on your game.

Pay attention to the people who come into your life. Some people you meet will love and support you unconditionally. When you need space to write or sprint to the end of a long rewrite, they’ll understand when you ‘disappear.’ And when you reappear, they’ll be the first to ask, “How did it go? Great! Now, let’s go to dinner to celebrate.” Others will try to take advantage of you. They’ll want to take your time, energy and focus for their own needs without giving anything in return. By the time you realize it, you’ll be frustrated and resentful, and what suffers is your creativity and peace of mind. You must be able to see quickly who’s there for you and who’s there simply to ride in your shadow. Dump the latter fast! You don’t need any other distractions.

Keep Reading

Reading is a great way to expand your mind, delve into worlds that are foreign to you, and discover other exciting authors.

Don’t Forget to Rest

You want to get your next book out. Good. You’re excited about it. Good. You’ve spent so many years working on it that you can’t wait to share it with the world. Good. But you’re often running yourself ragged. You work until your body says, “No more,” and then you’re out of commission anywhere from four days to two weeks. During that time, everything suffers, or slows down, because your body needs rest that you’ve deprived it of. Pace yourself. Better yet, take a break and let loose your inner child. There’s nothing wrong with taking a day off. It lets you step away from your current work-in-progress, especially if you arrive at a point where you’re not sure how to move it forward. Forget about it. Do something else that you love. Go see Black Panther or Laura Croft: Tomb Raider. Check out that bakery in Little Italy everyone’s talking about. Have fun. Then, when you go back to the writing, you’ll have a fresh perspective and see things differently.

Love Yourself

The journey you’re on is not for the faint of heart. You’ve experienced success and failure … lots of failures. But you don’t let that faze you. You try, try and try again. That’s because you love yourself and the path you’re on. Sometimes, in the hustle and bustle of life, we forget to treat ourselves. Loving yourself means that sometimes (maybe more often than you’d think) you must put yourself first. It’s okay to decline invitations to guest post on someone else’s blog or help a friend move. It’s okay to take a weekend for yourself and not visit your in-laws. It’s okay to say, “No,” when what’s being asked of you is not true to who you are. That doesn’t mean you’re not a nice person. It means that, by living with intention, you’re loving yourself. Remember Polonius’s advice to his son in Hamlet: “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Never Give Up

You’ve come so far on this journey to let Doubt scare you away. The best thing you can do is to just show up daily and write. One hundred words. Five hundred words. Two thousand words. It doesn’t matter. It’s all progress. And that shows your commitment to your craft, and your dedication to learning and growing. Don’t look to see who’s ahead of you or who’s behind you. Don’t worry about what other people think. What you create isn’t going to be for everyone, and that’s okay. Write for your one true fan who cheers you on to the end.

Focus on you and creating the life you imagine.

You’re on your way. Take a deep breath and carry on.

Clean Slate

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To January I say this: Good riddance!

I spent twenty-one out of thirty-one days sick, feeling absolutely crappy. No, I was miserable. Coupled with that miserableness was a strange malaise that sent me spiralling out of control. I didn’t understand that it was life speaking to me. And worst of all, I wasn’t listening. I was tone-deaf, trying to plough my way through life as if everything was cool and under control.

When I started to feel better, the anxiousness and restlessness began to ebb. But they didn’t go away completely. Now, at the beginning of February, I’m still dealing with their residual effects: figuring out exactly where it is I belong.

Focus on the Day-to-Day

It’s an odd feeling. Actually, it’s terrifying. To have arrived at a place in life where I’m doing what I feel compelled to do (write) and still feel like something is missing. You see, when I sit down to write — whether I’m at home, in a coffee shop, or globetrotting around the world (mostly London these days) — writing takes the edge off, peels away the doubt.

So while all this ‘uncertainty’ abounds, I’m focusing on the day-to-day. I’m relying on routine to keep me grounded. I’m going back to basics.

Make the Best of the Morning. I’m a morning person, and that’s when I feel the most creative. I’m slowly getting back into the routine of waking up between 4:00 and 5:00 am. Once my Morning Pages are done, I focus on my most important projects.

Keep Distractions to a Minimum. For a long time, I used to write with the TV on in the background. I thought I could still have productive writing sessions even with the volume on low. Yet when it came time to edit something I’d written with the TV on, the writing never stood up as well as a piece completed with the TV off. Now the TV is off, Outlook is closed, and I keep my cell phone in the kitchen (away from my writing desk).

Unplugging. I think this is the hardest one of all because of how much social media is integrated into daily life. And it’s a valuable tool and resource for writers and artists alike. Still, every day I struggle with social media because it easily overwhelms me. When I roll out of bed, I stop in the kitchen to pick up my phone on the way to the bathroom to check e-mail. It’s a hard habit to break, but I’m working on it. My ‘new’ goal is to check e-mail and social media sites after completing my morning work session. This isn’t just about when and how often I use social media, but also about how I’m using it. I want my use of social media to be purposeful and to not simply be a means of distraction. To that end, I’m back using the Chrome extension, StayFocusd, to help boost my productivity.

My visit to Kensington Palace on 29 January 2018.

Let Myself Play. Something I’ve always struggled with is the idea of rest and play. Because of my day job, I have myself convinced that I must spend all my free time on my days off building my writing career. In this face-paced and chaotic world, it’s easy to forget that life is rich with all its beauty and with so many things to discover. Writing is very important to me, to my life, and each day I write I am inching closer to realizing my dreams. But life isn’t, and shouldn’t be, all about writing.

When I take time to rest and play, I’m able to learn about Kensington Palace’s rich history, as I did during my recent stay in London. I read books that challenge my way of thinking or simply for pleasure; the latter allows me to discover new authors. Recent great reads include: The Wisdom of Sundays by Oprah Winfrey, The Sober Entrepreneur by Russ Perry, Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov and Sam by Luke Harris. When I open myself up to other experiences, when I let myself do other activities, I am gathering material for my creative stores.

Stay Active. Getting older, maintaining an active and healthy lifestyle has become extremely important to me. That’s why I recently gave up alcohol. Now, when people learn I stopped drinking to focus on my health — and not because of addiction issues — they look at me as if I have two heads. I saw how just two glasses of wine affected my energy level the next day, making me sluggish. Already struggling with being distracted and watching my productivity plummet, I didn’t need alcohol compounding that further.

I try to get a minimum of two runs in each week because, out on the trail I can, as the saying goes, “Let go, let God.” I know that running alone won’t help me achieve the lean fit I’m aiming for, but I’ve never liked going to a gym or working with weights. Last night, reading the February issue of GQ, I couldn’t help but read Benjy Hansen-Bundy’s article, “Can I Avoid People and Become Incredibly Fit?” (As an introvert, there was no way I was skipping it.) Hansen-Bundy mentions the Nike Training Club app, which he describes as “a personal trainer without the over-enthusiastic small talk.” Intrigued, I downloaded the app and set up a workout. When I got up this morning, after doing some writing, I completed the Controlled Blast workout. Forty-five minutes long! Forty-five minutes long, and I thought I was going to die. I love how the uninspired female voice says, “Don’t give up. You’re almost done.” Meanwhile, twenty minutes in, I’m covered in sweat and flat on the floor with legs that feel like Jell-O. But I didn’t give up and made it to the end (although I may have taken one or two extra recovery periods what weren’t part of the workout).

Fulfillment

With the tumultuous January behind me, I’m focused on getting back on track. February is my clean slate, my time to be open to what life is saying, or trying to say, to me. I like how Oprah Winfrey puts it: “Everybody has a calling. Your real job in life is to figure out why you are here and get about the business of doing it.”

I think that’s why I’m ‘restless’ and asking daily: What is my purpose? Why am I here? What is trying to emerge through my life? Where do I belong?

When I show up at my day job, I know I’m not in a place of belonging. I know I’m not being the real me. And that drives the anxiety and restlessness I feel each and every day. But I also know that everything I’m feeling at the moment, everything and everyone that comes into my life right now, are necessary parts of my journey. I must be patient and listen, and the answer will come in a language I’ll understand. I will arrive at that wonderful place of belonging where I can be the best, vibrant and most alive version of myself.

In the meantime, I must focus on what matters most. That is the best way to build the life I want.

How is 2018 starting out for you? What are you struggling with? Do you need to wipe your slate clean and start again? Let me know in the comments section below.