Marcus Lopés

LGTBQIA2S+ Author, Blogger, Runner

Writing Life

Count Your Blessings

by Leave a Comment

When I moved to Toronto in March 2013, life overwhelmed. New job. New love. Figuring out how to make this new city feel like home. In an unexpected way, I found comfort reading Rhonda Bynre’s The Magic. Writing a daily gratitude list is a lesson and practice from that book that has stuck with me. When you count your blessings at the start of your day, it’s hard to be grumpy, cynical or pessimistic. Like writing, it’s an act that anchors me to the present moment.

Life is busy. I know. Building a career as a writer around a day job and other life responsibilities isn’t easy, especially with so much pressure for us to be ‘connected’ 24/7. But sometimes the greatest gift we can give ourselves — one that offers perspective and the possibility of unforeseen insights to move us and our dreams forward — is to step back and give thanks for the blessings in our lives.

This Life

count your blessingsTurn on the TV, pick up a newspaper, log in to your social media accounts … you’ll witness a startling truth. We live in an age where it’s not just easier, but more the accepted norm, to criticize, insult and belittle each other. Instead of working together to build each other up, we’d rather tear each other apart. We focus more on what divides us than what should unite us. We’re constantly separating ourselves into camps — liberal/conservative, republican/democrat, vegan/carnivore, introvert/extravert — convinced that one is better than the other. And worse, still, we show little or no willingness to understand the other point of view. It’s become an unattractive state of being.

Yet there is so much more to life, and we should relish the very gift of waking up each morning to see a new day. Cutting through the noise, my daily gratitude list reminds me of that. In this life, I’m grateful for my partner, family, friends, and job. For the people working to improve the lives of others. For the positivity I welcome into each day, doing my best to bring joy wherever I go. Grateful, yes, to see the beauty that is this world.

Doing What You Love

Everywhere you turn, someone is offering advice: Ten Ways to Maximize Your Instagram Engagement, Five Simple Ways to Advance Your Career, Eight Tips for Effective Time Management, et. al. We scramble to take it all in and sign up for multiple newsletters, online training/webinars, or search for the next great app promising to improve productivity (I’ve done it all). And the next thing you know — badda bing badda boom — you’re living someone else’s dream.

And that’s why I’m grateful for having had the courage to listen to that ‘still small voice’ that encouraged me to follow my heart’s true desire. Writing. It’s the one thing in this life that makes my heart sing. So, every day — no matter where I am in the world, no matter the challenges life throws at me — I write. It’s how I know, as my friend Adrienne reminded me, that I’m doing my best to “stay grounded in your conviction that you’re doing what you want to do and feel called to do.” And best of all … I’m doing it my way!

Personal Cheerleaders

When you dare to declare your dream to the world, there’s bound to be people who’ll tell you you’ll fail. They’ll laugh or ask if you’ve been drinking. They’ll be a family member, friend, or colleague. Some will even stop talking to you. Why? You have something they do not: the courage to act, to imagine what is possible and go after it.

That’s why I’m grateful for my friends who’ve been with me from the beginning of my writing journey. Not sure how to proceed after receiving the umpteenth rejection letter, they encouraged me to keep writing. Sharing the news my first book was accepted for publication, they cheered, “Yay, you!” When a reader posted a harsh review, they told me to keep writing. And on the days I doubted myself and my talent, they told me to keep writing.

These are my personal cheerleaders who believe in me when others don’t, and that makes all the difference.

As Melody Beattie reminds us, “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.”

That’s why today, and every day, it’s important to take a moment to count your blessings.

What’s one thing that you’re grateful for today? Click Reply or leave a comment in the section below. I’d love to hear from you.

Surviving Doubt

by 1 Comment

Doubt is a powerful enemy, the first cousin to our Inner Critic. His goal is to kill every aspiration, hold back our dreams. If we let him, he’ll stop us dead in our tracks.

In my writing cycle, fall is the time of year where I find myself hunkered down on a writing project, trying to bring it full circle. That was true again between October and December 2018. Deep in the middle of a rewrite, I pressed on towards the finish line. The end was in sight. I could see it, danced with it as I lived out those days with the characters and drama on the page. I was excited, pumped, because the writing was assured (my perspective, not necessarily my editor’s), and the story had come full circle. Every day, showing up to do the work, brought joy and trepidation, as I edged closer to finishing something.

Then it happened. Doubt struck, and I was paralyzed. I didn’t know how to move forward.

The Power of Doubt

You know the feeling…

doubtYour project — a novel, series of paintings, the planning for your start-up — is going well. Great, actually. You check your KDP[note]Kindle Direct Publishing[/note] reports and wonder why sales of your last book have stalled. At the exhibition, people praised your work, expressed interest, but now your paintings are back in the studio collecting dust. A well-intentioned friend sends you an article about why so many start-ups fail. Now you’re asking yourself doubt’s favourite question: what’s the point?

You’re stuck. Nothing is happening. You’re not making any progress because doubt has made his grand entrance and doing what he does best: make you question your talent, ambition and, worst of all, your worth. Doubt and your Inner Critic are laughing at you, believing they’ve won the day. And maybe they have won because you’ve stopped doing the work.

Don’t let them win.

Your Muse

On every writing project I undertake, doubt makes a few appearances along the road. Sometimes he can send me spinning, but I try to let doubt be my muse instead.

Here’s the thing…

Doubt reminds us that we’re on the right path. When he shows up, stay focused on the work. Put in a little extra time at the easel, the piano, or planning your launch.

Don’t let doubt bring you down.

Instead, hunker down and do the work.

Is doubt trying to sabotage your dreams? How do you cope with doubt? Click Reply or leave a comment in the section below. I’d love to hear from you.

The 30-Minute-a-Day Social Media Diet

by 5 Comments

In November 2015, I pulled the plug on social media — Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Blogger. Then I went beyond that. I limited my use of e-mail, kept the TV off during the day (until my partner came home from work and turned it on), sent few text messages and, when I wasn’t working at my day job, kept my mobile on ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode.

Going Dark

social mediaI went dark, off the grid. This was, in part, inspired by a story I’d read two years earlier about a family that decided to live like it was 1986 again. No computers, internet, or cell phones. And they dressed the part, too, with mullets and cut-off jeans. They brought 1986 to the 21st century to embrace the simplicity of that era. That said a lot, to me anyway, about how we’ve evolved — and the role technology has played in that evolution. Would I want to return to 1986 (I was thirteen then)? Probably not.

While I didn’t go to that extreme, I required a much-needed timeout from social media because I felt overwhelmed. At that time, I was working on the rewrite of a novel and trying to stay current on industry trends. Suddenly, I felt like everything was coming at me fast and furious. On Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, or my inbox, the bombardment was unrelenting: ‘advice’ on holiday book marketing, or writing and selling your novel, or how authors can use Facebook Lead Generation Ads, or how to grow your followers, et. al. Overwhelmed, I couldn’t hear myself think, didn’t know how to proceed.

Being overwhelmed had a spiraling effect. I don’t know how to move myself forward, couldn’t concentrate, and then procrastination set in. And boy, oh, boy, did I embrace procrastination! Frustrated (and it was all my own doing) because I wasn’t making progress, wasn’t pushing the boundaries, wasn’t bringing my writing projects to completion. Everything stalled, and I was left flailing.

So, I went dark, off the grid. For two weeks.

An Uneasy Relationship

Now it’s 2019, and I haven’t gone off the grid again. As a self-published author, I recognize and appreciate that social media — Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. — can be powerful tools in the promotion of my author brand. It’s still not something that comes easily or naturally to me, but I’m grateful for the exchanges on Twitter and Facebook that connect me with other writers/artists facing similar challenges. Holed up in my own world, I’ve become part of a community that supports and encourages each other. And it’s great to connect with readers, too.

But…

Social media has a way of sucking you into the vortex. A decision to check in ‘quickly’ on Twitter can blow apart your day. That’s why social media is both my friend and my enemy. I took the timeout because social media felt more like my enemy.

My enemy. Because, real or imagined, some days social media has dominion over me. Am I engaging enough? How many likes did my post get? Has anyone responded on Facebook? I get all worked up about if I’m doing it right, if I’m doing what I should be doing to be successful (if I’m listening to all the expert advice out there).

The social media world is constantly evolving. Late in 2018, as I started to catch up to some changes that had occurred in recent months — and realized I was far behind in the game — I panicked. I felt like I immediately had to get up to speed. Overwhelmed, I couldn’t think, couldn’t focus and, worst of all, couldn’t write. I took a day and a half to step back, breathe and then come up with a plan to move forward.

You Need a Plan

When I went dark three years ago and pulled away (briefly) from social media, I was happy with the results. I wrote. More focused, my productivity skyrocketed. That meant I ran more, and got out of the condo to explore my neighbourhood, discovering new restaurants and shops. I read more, challenged myself in the kitchen and organized my spice cupboard (the latter is back in a state of disarray). I felt relaxed and, at the end of each day, a sense of accomplishment. Something I hadn’t felt in a long time.

The exercise made me realize, as an indie author — or any artist these days — you can’t bury your head in the sand when it comes to social media. But you still don’t have to let it rule the day. Yes, writers like Stephen King, Paulo Coelho and Jodi Picoult use social media (and brilliantly at that), but if you asked them I bet they’d tell you they had a plan for social media management. You need a plan, too, but one that you’re comfortable with and let’s you pursue your creativity your way. It’s a little like writing or painting or making music … you have to find your voice.

The Wake-Up Call

In December 2018, I realized I needed to make changes to my daily schedule if I really wanted to achieve my goals. At the end of the day, I didn’t feel fulfilled … like I had squandered the time gifted to me to live out my purpose. I wasn’t tending faithfully to my dreams. That need for change led me to read books by Brendon Burchard, Brené Brown, Michael Hyatt and Keith Ellis — so I could be inspired to do what was necessary to live my best life ever.

I was excited, energized, pumped.

But nothing changed. Why? I couldn’t break the cycle of self-sabotage. After all these years, I was still afraid of what people would think of me for daring to be a writer. That they’d ridicule me (which people did and still do) when I talk about my dream of writing full-time. “Stick to what’s safe,” they told me. Or, “How many books have you sold?” they’d ask mockingly. “I could never do that.” And I took their fear and owned it.

Until…

In January, working the flight to London, something felt off. Usually excited to go to London, I felt numb. Listening to my colleagues talk, a calmness invaded my heart. I went quiet. I realized this wasn’t my dream. Sure, it’s great to travel the world. Having 13-14 days off each month? Freakin’ fantastic. Great benefits? Absolutely. Starting my day in the middle of the night, stuck with rude passengers and colleagues at 35,000 feet for hours, and beyond exhausted for 24-36 hours after returning home? Not my dream.

It was time to start marching to the beat of my own ambition.

The 30-Minute-a-Day Social Media Diet

I didn’t quit my job. I focused on expressing my truest voice instead of constantly giving myself over to distractions and unfulfilling activities. On the top of my hitlist? Social media.

I have an active presence on three social media platforms: Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. That is the order I give them priority. And now, each network gets only 10 minutes a day of my time. How do I do that? I use Screen Time, Freedom and StayFocusd.

Screen Time: Available on iOS, it lets me set a daily allotment of time for each app. When the allotted time runs out, access to the app is blocked. Be aware, though, that it’s easy to ignore the limit set, so it also requires self-discipline.

Freedom: This app allows me to block websites as well as apps on my iPhone for the time period set (make sure you create a block list).

StayFocusd: A Google Chrome extension, it allows users to limit time spent on certain websites and block access to the internet (Nuclear Option).

Three apps, using them 10 minutes a day, produces the 30-minute-a-day social media diet.

That’s how, finally, I’m mastering my day, taking control of the agenda and direction of my life.

Do you have a plan for social media management? How is it working for you? Click Reply or leave a comment in the section below. I’d love to hear from you.

Finding Your Voice

by Leave a Comment

Finding your voice isn’t always easy. Trying to find my own, I’ve explored various forms of creative expression, travelled the globe, switched jobs the way you change underwear, sabotaged relationships, and more. It’s been a journey of self-loathing as much as self-acceptance. And it took quite a long time to arrive at the latter.

And here’s the thing: I didn’t always know that I wanted to be a writer. I’d spent so much of my youth at the piano, which deflected attention from my heart’s true desire. Here’s how I explained it in the ‘Preface’ to my last book, Everything He Thought He Knew:

“[…] possessing a natural talent for the piano, I was encouraged to use my gift for the ‘Glory of God.’ So, I did … use my ‘gift,’ and spent my childhood and adolescence playing in church. And much to the dismay of the church elders! When I sat down at the piano, I could almost hear their moans and groans of disapproval before my fingers touched the keys. I had a penchant for doing the unthinkable: rearranging classic hymns like ‘How Great Thou Art,’ ‘Amazing Grace’ or ‘There’s Power in the Blood.’ I was doing something that — to my parents’ chagrin — came naturally to me. I was breaking the rules.”

The Breakthrough

Finding Your VoiceI loved playing the piano … when no one was watching. But as a child, I did things to please others — or because I was told to — and ended up performing all the time at various church functions. A ‘star’ was born, only I didn’t like the spotlight and never thought I was good enough. There were so many other talented pianists who made the piano sing. At the time, I didn’t believe I could ever do that.

I started writing in elementary school. I never threw away the first story I ever wrote called, “Justice Must be Done,” a murder mystery that I also illustrated (badly) because it represented the moment I knew I wanted to be a writer (without really knowing what being a writer meant). And I kept writing stories in journals and notebooks that I hid under my bed.

Finding Your Voice

Even though I was working on a degree in French Literature, I studied piano privately for almost the entire time I was in university. I remember the moment, after placing third in a music competition, when my instructor said to me, “Now you’re ready. If you want to prepare for a career in music, I’ll work with you. You have what it takes.” I said no. And here’s the kicker: I craved that third-party validation telling me I was good enough. But now it was time to focus on what made me come alive. Writing.

That day I found my voice.

And, finally, I understood.

Finding your voice is not all about how you write or play the saxophone or do stand up comedy. It isn’t about being recognized for your graceful prose, your expressive playing or your gut-wrenching humour.

Finding your voice is about discovering and accepting what you’re passionate about, what makes you come alive. When you do that, you’re harnessing your talent, which in turn allows you to be of service, to serve a greater good.

It’s about doing what you love, no matter how crazy it sounds to others. It’s the moment when you decide to accept, and express, who you really are.

Did you struggle to find your voice? What are you passionate about in life? Click Reply or leave a comment in the section below. I’d love to hear from you.

Push Yourself to Go Higher

by Leave a Comment

Every day is an opportunity to become the best version of ourselves, to push yourself to go higher. If I’m at home in Toronto, that means getting out for a long run — as long as it’s not -20°C or colder, and I’m not fighting a cold. That means, on the days I don’t ‘feel like’ writing, I show up anyway and do the work. That means that if I’m the recipient of rudeness, intolerance or impatience, I act with love and acceptance towards that person and, still, wish them goodwill.

Every day — with grace, patience and courage — I push myself to go higher.

Don’t Let Fear Stop You

push yourself to go higherLast summer, I attended a weekly workout group called Move Strong Toronto. The Monday evening sessions began with a warm-up run, followed by a 45-minute bodyweight workout, then a post-workout run. Although I’m a runner, I have no core body strength to speak of, and zero flexibility. So, midway through the sessions, I wanted to cry. I couldn’t do it, couldn’t keep up. I’d failed.

Then one Monday last November, following my crazy morning routine at the time, I was out of bed that morning at 3:30, at my desk writing a few minutes later, then out the door for a run at 5:30. By 9:00, it was decided: I wasn’t going to the Move Strong Toronto workout that evening, which started at 18:45. As a morning person, I’ve always struggled with late-afternoon or evening exercise. Not being able to attend the session regularly either, due to my work schedule, I didn’t know the other participants and felt awkward around them. Why not just stay home and watch TV? The excuses not to go kept piling up.

Maybe it was all the noise the plumber made working to clear the kitchen sink’s blocked drain, but around 16:30 something snapped. I had to go. Why? Sometimes you know you must step out of your comfort zone to push yourself to go higher. For me, this was one of those times.

Arriving at RYU Apparel, Move Strong Toronto’s winter meet-up location, I was the oldest person in the room. As the workout began, it became oh so clear just how much I struggled. It was hard not to be intimidated by the younger, firmer, more flexible athletes in the room. They made it look so easy. I had to rest while everyone else continued, or when my arms and legs felt weak. And yet, when I didn’t think I could do it … I pushed on. There I was a beginner. But if I showed up and kept putting in the time, I’d get better.

That’s how you push yourself to go higher.

Let it be Your Mantra

I’m a writer. Maybe you’re a dancer, an entrepreneur, a social worker. It doesn’t matter. Push yourself to go higher is about being bold enough, daring enough, to do more and to be better. Every day. It gives us an opportunity to hone our skills and develop new ones.

More importantly, it allows us to not miss the present moment and become who we really are.

Do you push yourself to go higher? How has it changed your life? Click Reply or leave a comment in the section below. I’d love to hear from you.