Marcus Lopés

LGTBQIA2S+ Author, Blogger, Runner

life lessons

Find Joy

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Find out where joy resides, and give it a voice far beyond singing. For to miss the joy is to miss all. – Robert Louis Stevenson

Where do you find joy?

All you have to do is turn on the news to see all the chaos in the world. From the recent calamity of electing the new Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives to the fallout from a certain prince’s memoir to the ongoing war in Ukraine. It can be easy to lose hope, to lose sight of the joy that is still in the world and fills our hearts.

Find Joy

find joyIt’s not always easy because I want to stay informed, but I try to limit my news consumption. Because there’s already enough going on in my head that I don’t need to add to it. So, with all the chaos around us, which can potentially throw us off kilter, I find ways to bring joy to my life each day.

Sometimes that means I get out and go for a run, the one sure way that clears my mind and lets me reconnect with myself. Or I go into the kitchen and bake, attempting new recipes or preparing family favourites. It can be an act of kindness, either given or received. Last week, the server at A&W brought joy to my day simply by saying, “Long time no see.” (Because sometimes you feel like you go unnoticed in this go, go, go world.)

It’s Not Always Easy

Every day I work in an environment where there is the risk of dealing with angry, abusive and entitled clients, and it’s not always easy to bring or find joy. But if I can find or bring the joy, even briefly, it brings a sense of calmness to the moment. And that can carry me a long way.

Find your joy. When you can. Wherever you can.

A Lesson from ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck’

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I first read Mark Manson’s book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, last year. It was one of those books that I added to my To Be Reread list. Sometimes a book has too much to unpack, and I have to go back and reread it a second or third time to take it all in.

I started rereading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck this past Tuesday on my way to work, a way for me to make good use of my commute time.

‘Not Giving a Fuck’ Ain’t Easy

not give a fuckAs much as I want to, and as much as I try to convince myself that I’m good at not giving a fuck, in reality I suck at it.. I know I need to be more selective about the things I should care about, because there are a lot of small things that piss me off. Like people walking against the flow of [pedestrian] traffic. The people who place their bags on the seat next to them on a crowded subway. Others who play music on their phone or have their conversations on speaker and think we share their taste in music or have any interest in what they’re talking about.

I turn the volume up on my headphones so that I drown out the world around me, which allows me to — temporarily — not give a fuck. [Read more…] about A Lesson from ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck’

It’s Okay to Go Slow

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okay to go slow
2019 Toronto Waterfront Marathon

I learned a lot of lessons that stuck with me when I was training for the 2019 Toronto Waterfront Marathon. One in particular stands out: It’s okay to go slow. Because as I reviewed my training plan and saw the 26k training runs (or longer distances) I would have to run, I was panicking. How was I going to run that far? The answer was, of course, that I would have to go at a slower pace — because it wasn’t the race. But I had to learn to be okay with going slow. It was the only way for me to cover the distance.

As the end of the year draws closer, I am thinking more about my life — where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m still looking to go. Maybe, too, it is because in some areas of my life things are going well, but in others I’m not exactly where I had hoped to be. Specifically with my writing, as there have been a few setbacks that have forced me to delay the release of my next novel. And this has again made me realize that sometimes it is okay to go slow.

Remember What is True

I am a writer. That is true. I know that because every day I write no matter what, usually in the early quiet hours and sometimes in the evening. Writing has always been the thing that grounds me, gives me a sense of purpose in what sometimes feels like a chaotic world … especially on the days that are a struggle.

A struggle, yes, because I constantly get snarled in the comparison trap (even though I know better!). And because, when I’m honest with myself, I’m really not sure how to define success when it comes to my writing. Is it just based on the number of books sold? Is it about proving to my doubters that they were wrong? Is it my commitment to show up every day and write no matter what?

Maybe it’s all those things and more. Or less.

What is true, then, is that even on my best days I’m a little lost in the wilderness. And that’s okay. It’s why, now, I’m okay to go slow so that I can, as Ray Dalio advises, “Think for yourself to decide 1) what you want, 2) what is true, and 3) what you should do to achieve #1 in light of #2 … and do that with humility and open-mindedness so that you can consider the best thinking available to you.” [note]Ray Dalio, Principles, Simon & Schuster, 2017, p. X.[/note]

It’s Okay to Go Slow

The paradox is that there is both urgency and a need to slow down. The urgency is that I’m turning fifty next August, and because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, I want to make sure I’m doing everything to live intentionally. To make sure that I do what’s in my heart and to not leave anything undone. But there is also, at times, a necessity to slow down and reevaluate. Because reaching the destination is just as important as enjoying journey.

Yes, it’s okay to go slow. As Mahatma Gandhi reminded us, “There is more to life than increasing its speed.”

Be Intentional

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intention

The last week has been hard. Learning that I had tested positive for COVID-19 knocked the wind out of me. Not having the energy to do much of anything gave me lots of time to think or, perhaps, brood. What am I doing? Am I still on the right path? Is this where I am supposed to be? Still, I do not have an answer to any of those questions. And, in a way I had not expected, I ended up lost. When I started feeling better, it felt like I was spinning wildly. No longer acting with intention, I did not know where to start — or if what I have been trying to do even mattered anymore.

Let’s Talk About ‘Intention’

We all face challenges in life. I like to believe that how we react to those challenges defines, in part, who we are and who we can become. I reminded myself of that as I started to get lost in my brooding because I did not want to feel like I had hit a dead end. Really, where I am now is a part of my journey, but I do not have to let it be the essence of that journey. Instead, I can change the direction and, consequently, my thoughts and how I see myself in the world. To do that, though, there must be one principle that rules my life: intention. Because, as Oprah Winfrey writes in The Wisdom of Sundays, “Thought by thought, choice by choice, we are cocreating our lives based on the energy of our intention.”1 [Read more…] about Be Intentional

Be. Here. Now

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be here now

It’s been a challenging few weeks…

In my early thirties, I ‘woke up to life.’ That is, I came to love myself and accept myself just as I am. I didn’t strive to meet, or care about, others’ expectations. I decided to live my life my way, and do what I love. And that also meant trying to, most of the time, maintain a positive attitude. It’s never about being happy all the time, or being like Teflon and not let anything stick to me. Because life happens – the good, the bad, the ugly – and we have to find ways to roll with it.

Yes, life happens… [Read more…] about Be. Here. Now