success

Finding Your Voice

February 27, 2019 by Marcus Leave a Comment

Finding your voice isn’t always easy. Trying to find my own, I’ve explored various forms of creative expression, travelled the globe, switched jobs the way you change underwear, sabotaged relationships, and more. It’s been a journey of self-loathing as much as self-acceptance. And it took quite a long time to arrive at the latter.

And here’s the thing: I didn’t always know that I wanted to be a writer. I’d spent so much of my youth at the piano, which deflected attention from my heart’s true desire. Here’s how I explained it in the ‘Preface’ to my last book, Everything He Thought He Knew:

“[…] possessing a natural talent for the piano, I was encouraged to use my gift for the ‘Glory of God.’ So, I did … use my ‘gift,’ and spent my childhood and adolescence playing in church. And much to the dismay of the church elders! When I sat down at the piano, I could almost hear their moans and groans of disapproval before my fingers touched the keys. I had a penchant for doing the unthinkable: rearranging classic hymns like ‘How Great Thou Art,’ ‘Amazing Grace’ or ‘There’s Power in the Blood.’ I was doing something that — to my parents’ chagrin — came naturally to me. I was breaking the rules.”

The Breakthrough

Finding Your Voice I loved playing the piano … when no one was watching. But as a child, I did things to please others — or because I was told to — and ended up performing all the time at various church functions. A ‘star’ was born, only I didn’t like the spotlight and never thought I was good enough. There were so many other talented pianists who made the piano sing. At the time, I didn’t believe I could ever do that.

I started writing in elementary school. I never threw away the first story I ever wrote called, “Justice Must be Done,” a murder mystery that I also illustrated (badly) because it represented the moment I knew I wanted to be a writer (without really knowing what being a writer meant). And I kept writing stories in journals and notebooks that I hid under my bed.

Finding Your Voice

Even though I was working on a degree in French Literature, I studied piano privately for almost the entire time I was in university. I remember the moment, after placing third in a music competition, when my instructor said to me, “Now you’re ready. If you want to prepare for a career in music, I’ll work with you. You have what it takes.” I said no. And here’s the kicker: I craved that third-party validation telling me I was good enough. But now it was time to focus on what made me come alive. Writing.

That day I found my voice.

And, finally, I understood.

Finding your voice is not all about how you write or play the saxophone or do stand up comedy. It isn’t about being recognized for your graceful prose, your expressive playing or your gut-wrenching humour.

Finding your voice is about discovering and accepting what you’re passionate about, what makes you come alive. When you do that, you’re harnessing your talent, which in turn allows you to be of service, to serve a greater good.

It’s about doing what you love, no matter how crazy it sounds to others. It’s the moment when you decide to accept, and express, who you really are.

Did you struggle to find your voice? What are you passionate about in life? Click Reply or leave a comment in the section below. I’d love to hear from you.

Standing on the Edge

July 26, 2018 by Marcus 1 Comment

Do you know what you want out of life?

If the answer is yes, do you know what you need to do to achieve it?

I know I want to be a writer. Wait a minute … I am a writer. I want to be a successful writer, the kind who makes a living from it. Maybe that means trying to become a New York Times or Globe and Mail bestselling author. Maybe that means going on a book tour. Maybe that means giving up my day job so I can throw all my energy into realizing my dream.

Maybe it means none of that.

Because I’m in crisis. I’ve been in crisis mode since the beginning of the year. I’m stuck in a ‘funk’ that, despite what I thought, I haven’t been able to pull myself out of completely. I keep asking myself: “What am I doing?” and “What’s wrong?” and “What is it that doesn’t feel right?”

At Issue

Earlier this week I was in London, a city that has been like my home away from home since January. During my stay, I made a stop a Daunt Books on Marylebone High Street. While I was there, I picked up a book that had been recently recommended to me: Ray Dalio’s Principles. Afterwards, I stopped for a latte and scone at a café a few blocks away. It was a beautiful day, about 29°C, and the sun was shining. People were milling about the streets, weaving in and out of the shops. As I sipped my latte, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.

I had a little time before meeting friends for dinner so, soaking up the bright afternoon sun, I opened the book and started reading. By the third page of the “Introduction,” my heart was in my throat. Reading Dalio’s first principle, I finally understood what was wrong … why I haven’t been able to lift myself out of that funk. Dalio’s first principle is this: “Think for yourself to decide 1) what you want, 2) what is true, and 3) what you should do to achieve #1 in light of #2 … and do that with humility and open-mindedness so that you can consider the best thinking available to you.” ¹

Like I mentioned above, I know what I want: to be a successful writer. But what I need to do is have a frank conversation with myself — acknowledging my weaknesses and my strengths — about what that success looks like. Or maybe the better question for me to ask is what level of success am I looking for and can I live with it?

What is true… I know why I write (to make an impact in the world, no matter how small) and that writing is the only thing in life that gives me purpose and a sense of fulfillment. It is a way for me to be of service.

Where I struggle is in what I should be doing to achieve what I want in light of what is, for me, true. That is why this year has felt like I’m just spinning and going nowhere fast. When I’m honest with myself, I’m still letting fear — of failure and what others may think of me — hold me back. To achieve what I want, I need to do things in ways that I believe are best for me and not worry about what other people think. No doubt, that’s easier said than done.

Moving Forward

2018 started out with some big changes in my life. I stopped drinking. I started paying closer attention to what I was eating, aiming to reduce my sugar and sodium intake. While I’ve been running for ten years, I’ve been pushing myself to run longer distances and started working out. These were the changes I implemented to primarily increase my energy level and improve the quality of my sleep. And the best part of all was that I also managed to drop close to twenty pounds. It wasn’t easy, but the results have made it all worthwhile.

Now, to achieve what I want to do I know I need to make other changes. I have my “5 Rules to Live By” to guide me through this transition period, but I know they’re not enough on their own. They’re a starting point. What exactly do I need to change? Honestly, I’m not sure. But I’m going to take some time to dig deep and think about the principles that will help me to get out of life exactly what I want. One thing is certain: I’m terrified. I don’t know where it’s all going to lead, how uncomfortable it’s going to get, or if I’ll even succeed.

But to succeed, I must change my habits and stay focused on what’s really important to me. As my journey moves forward, I expect to make mistakes along the way. At this point in my life, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I’ve been standing on the edge too long. It’s time to step off the edge and look fear in the face.

Are you doing what you should to achieve what you want? Do you have any principles that help you navigate through life? Let me know in the comments section below.

5 Rules to Live By

May 8, 2018 by Marcus 4 Comments

As a kid, I hated rules. That’s because rules weren’t fun. They were meant to mould my behaviour and, perhaps unknowingly, stifle my creativity.

Rule: I had to eat everything on my plate before I left the table (that was hard, especially on the nights my father served burnt, chewy liver for dinner).

Rule: I couldn’t stay out late on a school night.

Rule: As long as I lived in my parents’ house, I’d do as they say.

Rules sucked. Big time.

Breaking the Rules

It probably comes as no surprise that, growing up, I was a rule breaker. Tell me I couldn’t do something, and I’d set out to prove that I could. Tell me I had to do something one way, I’d do it a different way and achieve the same result. ‘Rebelling’ was second-nature to me. In a way, it led me down the path to becoming who I am today.

Breaking the rules taught me a valuable lesson: that I had what it takes to be who I am, and not who others wish me to be. It came with a ‘price’ in that the people who wanted me to remain the same — friends and family alike — eventually slipped out of my life. To be honest, for a time that bothered me. But only until I understood that being my truest self is the greatest gift I could give to myself and the world. Marianne Williamson says it best:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ¹

Not being small meant doing the thing that I love the most: writing. As I gave myself over to it, there was a mega shift in how I looked at rules. I saw their potential, how they could help me create the life I wanted.

From Rule Breaker to Rule Setter

When I first knew I wanted to be a writer, my goal (naïve as it was then) was to sign on with a well-known publishing company like HarperCollins or Penguin, or a literary agency. Self-publishing and being an indie author like we know them today didn’t exist. The one thing an emerging writer like myself wanted to avoid was being swindled by a vanity press.

Since then, the publishing industry has been completely turned on its head. Now, it’s easy and affordable for writers to publish their own works through Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) and other platforms. The competition is fierce, which makes it hard to get your book to stand out in a crowded marketplace.

But when you do what you love, you don’t throw in the towel when the rejection letters start piling up. You don’t give up, either, when your first book flops (as mine did). You try, try, and try again because this is the thing that you must do. It’s the reason you’re here on earth. It’s your calling. And you must heed the call.

I write for the love of writing, to tell a story, to [I hope] offer a unique view of the world. And even though most days the idea of ambition and being successful makes me squeamish — almost like I don’t feel I deserve it — my aim is to write full-time. It’s why I show up every day to write. My dream won’t come true without me putting in the time and doing the necessary work.

Working to build a writing career around a day job, familial responsibilities and life in general, it’s pretty easy for me to get distracted. To stave off distraction — procrastination, resistance, self-doubt, etc. — I needed rules to get me through each day. When I became a self-published author, and responsible for marketing and promoting my book, rules became even more important. I had to find balance, especially when dealing with social media, which permeates all aspects of our lives.

Yes, I needed rules to stay focused and increase my productivity as I worked to achieve my goals. For me, it all comes down to this:

5 Rules to Live By

1. Get up early: I’ve always been a morning person, but for over a year now I’ve been getting up around 4:30 am to jumpstart the day. That quiet time of day is when I do some of my most focused work without distraction. And by the time noon rolls around, I’ve checked off quite a few items on my to-do list.
2. Do the most important thing first: Most days I succeed in tackling the most important task on my to-do list first. Usually, this is the project that requires the most focus and effort. Doing it first thing in the morning when I’m at my best makes the work feel ‘effortless.’
3. Eliminate distractions: For the longest time, I tried to eliminate distractions on my own. You know, power down the phone and hide it somewhere out of sight. Close the internet navigator. Turn off the TV. Yet I often found myself saying, “Oh, I’ll just quickly check my e-mail.” Two hours later, I’ve not only checked my e-mail, but I’ve also squandered away time on Twitter, Facebook and CNN.
  
  About three years ago, I discovered StayFocusd, a Google Chrome extension that blocks the internet. And earlier this year I started using Freedom, which blocks the use of all apps on my iPhone. Together, StayFocusd and Freedom have decreased the time I waste online (procrastination) and significantly increased my productivity. I’m writing more. I’m finishing more projects. I feel like I’m actually moving forward.
4. Manage social media engagement: I think I’ll always have a love-hate relationship with social media. I love it because of how I can connect with writers and readers from all over the world. I feel like I’m a part of a vibrant, supportive and encouraging community. I hate social media because it can suck you in and, before you know it, half the day is gone. (That’s another reason why I use StayFocusd and Freedom.)
  
  Apps like Freedom can only do so much. At some point, I had to practice self-control and self-discipline. And that meant learning to be purposeful in my use of social media. With Facebook, for example, I aim to post three or four times a week. Some may say that’s not enough, but it works for me and I don’t feel pressured to produce content that no one’s going to pay attention to.
  
  Twitter is my pandora’s box. I had to find a way to not let it overwhelm. So, about six weeks ago I made two important decisions that would impact my use of Twitter. 1. I’d only check in (reply to or like tweets) on Wednesdays and Fridays (days were chosen arbitrarily); and 2. I’d no longer check Direct Messages (DMs). These two decisions have helped me to reclaim my day, allowing me to focus on what really matters.
5. Take care of yourself: As a child, I didn’t have an iPhone or xBox, and I wasn’t racing around the city playing Pokémon Go. (We had Atari and the Commodore 64 … do you remember those?) So, on sunny days I was always outside playing. In my late teens and my twenties, especially as a university student, I was a nerd and loved to be inside reading and writing.
  
  In 2008, I stepped on a scale (for the first time in over five years because I had the Blanche Devereaux mindset that my weight of 175 pounds never changed) to see the needle move past the 200-pound mark. I was devastated. It was the middle of February, -25°C, and in the cold of the night I decided to start running. Not knowing how to dress for a winter run, I ended up sick as a dog for two weeks.
  
  But that day changed my life. Not only did those unwanted pounds fall away in the weeks that followed, but running became a habit, one that’s held strong for ten years now. Best of all, running got me out of the house and living a more active life.
  
  And more recently, I’ve stopped drinking, reduced my sugar and salt intake, and in addition to running I’m also working out regularly (thanks to the Nike Training App). I have more energy, feel a lot better about myself and am enjoying all that life has to offer. I love running because it helps to clear my head, zone out … become one with myself. It’s also the time when I have my ‘Conversations with Oprah.’ In the zone, I can hear Ms. Winfrey asking those big life questions to one of her guests on Super Soul Sunday. Only I’m the guest, and when I hear myself give the answer there’s clarity — about how to move a story forward, or how to deal with a situation that I’ve been struggling with. I always come back from a run enlightened and energized, ready to take my game to the next level.
  
  We mustn’t neglect ourselves. We are our most valuable resource. When we take care of our body, mind and spirit, we are ready for whatever comes our way. And we know that there is nothing we can’t do.

Be Who You Are

These are my rules. They work for me as I strive to create the life I imagine — to let loose the truest, ultimate expression of who I am. I can’t afford to break them. Breaking the rules creates havoc and puts everything I’ve worked hard to achieve at risk.

As I continue to evolve, the rules may change or need to be tweaked.

But for now … I’ll keep playing by the rules.

Do you have any rules you live by? How do you stay focused? What is the one thing that is holding you back? What is the one thing you can change to allow yourself to move forward? Let me know in the comments section below.

Never Give Up

April 20, 2018 by Marcus 2 Comments

Every day I write. In the morning. In the afternoon. Sometimes in the evening.

It’s not a choice for me.

It’s a calling. And when I stopped running away from myself, I heeded the call.

You see, when my pen touches the page, that’s when I feel grounded, centred … at one with myself and the world.

Writing is the truest expression of who I am.

The ‘Why’

I don’t write with the aim of becoming a New York Times bestselling author or hoping to win the Man Booker International Prize. Sure, those things could happen, but that’s not what keeps me in the game.

Writing is about witnessing the world around me, taking a snapshot of a moment in time — and trying to make sense of it all. Writing lets me tell a story through a different lens, from the experiences that have shaped my life and helped me to become who I am. Writing frees me from the hate, intolerance and misunderstandings plaguing our world today. Writing is a golden opportunity to showcase the beauty that is this world and the great things we’ve done — and can still do — when we come together in spite of our differences.

That’s why I must write … every day. When I don’t write, I’m irritable, grumpy and feel like I’ve lost my footing. That’s how I often felt on days when I went without coffee (before I gave up caffeine).

Like I said, it’s not a choice for me. If it were, I would have abandoned writing when my novel, Freestyle Love, flopped in 2011. But I kept writing and, not letting self-doubt get the better of me, self-published The Flowers Need Watering in 2017. I could have given up after receiving countless rejections from various literary journals and publishers. Instead, I kept writing, honing my skills and opted to share my stories online through Twitter Fiction Tuesdays (#TwitFicTues) and my Fiction Friday series.

Yes, I kept writing for the love of the work, to see it through to completion, to — in some small way — be of service.

Never Give Up

Despite my passion, despite my commitment, there are still days when I ask myself: What’s the point? Am I on the right path? Is anyone paying attention? So, I take a moment to remind myself of what Steven Pressfield says in, Do the Work!: “Resistance is a repelling force. It’s negative. Its aim is to shove us away, distract us, prevent us from doing our work.”¹

That’s when I buckle down and focus. Resistance won’t have dominion over me.

When we write, paint, compose — create — for the love of it, I feel like that’s the moment when providence moves. The stars align and our creative world comes into focus. We know exactly where we are, where we want to go, and what we need to do to get there.

When we show up each day for the love of the work, we know we have the necessary courage and faith to do whatever it takes to make our dreams come true.

That’s why we’ll never give up.

Doing It My Way

April 7, 2018 by Marcus 2 Comments

“When we focus on what matters, we can build the lives we want, with the time we’ve got.”

– Lauren Vanderkam

I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with social media. I love that Twitter, more than Facebook, allows me to connect with readers and other writers. I love that I can ask a question and so many people are willing to share their knowledge and experiences. I love that, as an introvert, I feel like I’m a part of a community.

I’m less enthralled with social media when the trolls come out. The people who nitpick everything you do because everything they do is perfect. As soon as you make a mistake they come gunning for you. And it’s not that we’re not open to feedback, but they just lack the class and savoir-faire to communicate it well.

The Power of Social Media

Despite Facebook’s recent data scandal (and Mark Zuckerberg’s upcoming testify before the U.S. Congress), or Kylie Jenner and Rihanna distancing themselves from Snapchat, people don’t appear to be abandoning these networks in droves. Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, YouTube, Pinterest, Medium — they’ve become, for better or for worse, an integral part of how we communicate with each other.

As a writer, social media is a huge part of my author platform. Working to build my brand, I’m told over and over again that my success will depend on my engagement, or lack thereof, with social media — especially if I want to make a living from writing alone. (I’d love, LOVE, to quit my day job and write full-time.) That’s why I subscribe to so many blogs and mailing lists: The Creative Penn, Tom Morkes, Smart Author Labs, Book Marketing Tools, Books Go Social, and others. I’m interested in staying current with industry news, knowing the trends and honing my skills. And when it comes to success, the recurrent theme I keep hearing is this:

It’s Not Enough to Write a Good Book Anymore

To be a ‘successful’ author, one of the things we’re told we must do is write a blog, posting content regularly. I’ve had a couple of different blogs on and off since 2013, but it wasn’t until early last year that I started enjoying blogging. What changed? I no longer felt pressured to do it. I didn’t feel like it was a writer’s obligation anymore. I could do it, on my own terms, to stay connected to a wider writing community. Any other things writers should do? Plenty! Build your mailing list (valid point, and I’m building mine slowly). Perhaps start a podcast. Post frequently on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Offer a course or webinar. Send out a newsletter.

Are you exhausted yet? I am!

The introvert in me balked at most of those things. All my life, I’ve never been great at selling anything. So, when it comes to self-promotion there’s even greater resistance. Maybe that means that my road to becoming a successful author — however you define it — is going to take a little longer. As I grow older (and wiser?), I’m becoming okay with that. I get it. People like Joanna Penn (the Creative Penn), Mark Dawson (Self-Publishing Formula) and Chandler Bolt (Self-Publishing School) are living the dream because they’re doing all the ‘right’ things.

I’m an author who’s published two books — one that was traditionally published and a big flop, another that I self-published in February 2017 and that people are still buying. I work full-time, travelling the world (although lately, London, UK, feels like my second home). On my days off, I’m juggling writing, running and my responsibilities at home. You can relate, right? So, every time I read from an ‘expert’ that if I want to succeed as I writer, I should consider launching a podcast or offering a webinar, I’m frustrated. I can’t imagine fitting that in when it already doesn’t feel like there are enough hours in a day to get everything done. But the bigger question I keep asking myself this: When the [insert expletive] am I supposed to write?

Here’s the thing…

Over the past few months, I’ve struggled to get in my creative time. Not because of writer’s block (that’s never been an issue for me) or jet lag, but because I’ve been chasing someone else’s dreams or idea of what the successful author life looks like. There’s something frightfully addictive about social media — Twitter and Facebook (the two I use) — that has me constantly reaching for my phone. Have you noticed how some people get offended if you don’t instantly respond to them retweeting your tweet or liking your Facebook post? And you feel like you’re missing something if you don’t have your social media apps open and aren’t paying attention to them. No more!

Challenging Myself to Do and Be Better

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been trying to live with intention. And I really like how Oprah Winfrey phrases it: “The number one principle that rules my life is intention. Thought by thought, choice by choice, we are cocreating our lives based on the energy of our intention.”¹ That has meant a number of different things for me. I stopped drinking (80 days strong and counting). I’m running more, improving my pace and putting in longer distances; and exercising regularly with the Nike Training app. I love food and prefer to prepare as much as possible from scratch. Over the past few months, I’ve really been paying attention to what I eat and now I scrutinize every label. Do you know how many grams of sugar there are in a 341 ml can of Minute Maid cranberry juice? 43 grams! I gave up caffeine in October 2016, but sometimes I treat myself to a regular latte — usually when I’m touring around London and have been up all night. Yes, this is me trying to live with intention.

But the most recent and dramatic change has been my introduction to the Freedom app.

A couple of years ago I discovered StayFocusd — a Google Chrome extension that limits the amount of time spent on time-wasting websites. When I was trying to finish a rewrite or complete a first draft, I’d limit how much time I could spend on sites like Twitter, Facebook or CNN before they’d be blocked. And StayFocusd has a nuclear option that blocks the entire internet on my laptop for as long as I like.

For my iPhone, I use Freedom (after five free sessions, you must buy a subscription). For the period set, all the apps on my phone are unusable. I can’t check e-mail, do banking, post on Facebook or Twitter. Nada. (Now, I’m learning to plan my day strategically so that if I need to go to Loblaws, my PC Optimum app will be functional.) But together, StayFocusd and Freedom are a powerful duo that allows me to sustain my focus and increase my productivity. More than that, I feel like I’m no longer spending time on things that distract me from my true passion.

After receiving my manuscript from my editor back in February, it felt like the corrections were taking forever. Until I found Freedom. Now, I’m sailing through them. Before Freedom, it felt like I was rushing to get out my weekly Twitter Fiction and Fiction Friday series, and scrambling to write a blog post. Not anymore. Freedom and StayFocusd are helping me to reclaim my life and my time so that I can live the life I’ve imagined.

Live the Life You Want with the Time You’ve Got

All this to say … we all have our own idea of success. Now, I’m learning not to do the things that aren’t true to who I am. I use Twitter. I love scheduling some tweets in advance, and I truly appreciate the support and encouragement I receive from that community. But I’ve decided, going forward, to scale back my presence to two days a week. Perhaps that seems a bit extreme, but I know how addictive Twitter is for me. So, Wednesday and Friday will be the days when I’ll respond to mentions, retweets and likes. Steven Pressfield, in his book Turning Pro, writes: “The amateur tweets. The pro works.”² That hit me like a ton of bricks and really got me thinking about how I spend my time. And I’m no longer checking Direct Messages. I already have two e-mail accounts — one personal, one for my writing — that I struggle to manage daily. I know Direct Messages are convenient, but they feel highly impersonal and are annoying.

Admittedly, Facebook is trickier. Or there’s an illusion of it being trickier to manage. I’m talking about the Facebook Page app (I don’t use the regular Facebook app) because when I open it, this is what I’m immediately drawn to:

85% response rate. Respond faster to turn on the badge

Reach people nearby for $___

Number of likes

Facebook is constantly in your face to up your engagement. And whenever I see that I’ve lost a like or my reach is down, I wonder if it’s because I’m not engaging enough or that I’m not posting the right content. Then I end up asking myself: What more can I do? And that’s the moment I feel like Facebook has won. But, still, I’m trying to pull back because, at the end of the day, I don’t feel like I’m being true to who I am.

Some of you may remember the TV show Laverne & Shirley, starring Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams. There’s a great line from the opening theme song: “We’re gonna make our dreams come true / Doin’ it our way.”

Yes, I’ve got a dream and, with the time I’ve got, I’m doing it my way.

What’s your idea of success? Do you have a strategy for your use of social media? Are you where you want to be on your creative/life journey? Let me know in the comments section below.