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Marcus Lopés

LGTBQIA2S+ Author, Blogger, Runner

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Against His Will: Immersion

June 22, 2018 by Marcus Leave a Comment

Jonas, his gaze fixed on his phone, took a step forward when the line moved. He couldn’t shake the heaviness in his head, as if he’d been up all night drinking. He hadn’t. It was something worse than that. He had the dream again, waking up to soaked bedsheets, and his chest and back covered in sweat. By the time he cooled off and changed the bed, he was wide awake. That was at two thirty. Then he couldn’t get back to sleep. He drifted off at some point, and the next thing he heard was his alarm, The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir singing, ‘Hallelujah Anyhow.’ He hit ‘Stop’ and closed his eyes. When he looked at his phone again, it was eight minutes to seven. His heart racing, he shot out of the bed and into the bathroom.

“Next!” a croaky voice called out.

Jonas raised his head and returned the smile of the sleepy-eyed redhead. “Morning, Seth. Late night?”

“Can’t really say it ended.” Seth laughed, which turned into a hacking cough. “Medium Americano?”

“Make it a large this morning.”

“Were we at the same party?” Seth winked.

“I don’t think so,” Jonas said, punching his PIN code into the keypad of the card reader. Once the transaction was approved, he yanked out his bank card and slipped it back into his wallet. “Have a good day.”

“You, too, Mr. Martin.”

Jonas moved towards the far end of the bar-counter to wait for his drink. He checked the time. It was almost eight and he was way behind schedule. Well, not really. It was more that his routine had been upended. Oversleeping, he hadn’t had time to write, and that was worse than if he’d had to go without coffee. He’d be irritable until he got in some writing time, which now probably wouldn’t be until lunchtime. His attention was back on his phone as he scrolled through his work e-mail, deleting messages he wasn’t going to respond to and flagging those he’d tackle once he was at his desk.

The chatter was on the rise, easily breaking Jonas’s focus. Now, whenever he looked up from his phone he cased the area. He heard that adenoidal voice and zeroed in on the woman wearing a vibrant, floral hoodie and who always ordered an extra hot vanilla bean latte. A few feet to his left he saw the tall brunette leaning down to kiss the petite blonde. They were married, just not to each other. He’d heard the man say, “My wife might get suspicious,” as they tried to plan a weekend getaway. Then Jonas focused on Seth, who tried to remain calm as the woman, elegantly dressed in a navy pants suit, complained that her cappuccino was too hot. Yesterday it was too cold. And, like every day, she held up the line as the barista made her a new drink.

“Large Americano for Mr. Martin,” the black-haired guy grunted from behind the counter.

Jonas ducked in quickly to pick up his drink. He didn’t like how the café staff called him Mr. Martin when they referred to the other customers by their first names. It felt like they were making a big deal about him, like he was a ‘celebrity.’ Maybe he was kind of famous, but he didn’t like to draw attention to himself. He went to the condiments table and stirred cream and a brown sugar sachet into his beverage. Then, as he started towards the exit, he froze. “What the…?” He stared curiously at the man seated at the table near the door.

“Good morning, Jonas,” Brent said. “Running a little late this morning?”

Jonas took a step forward. “What are you doing here?”

“Straight to the point.” Brent sipped his coffee. “I like that.”

“You’re right,” Jonas said, giving free reign to the frustration building inside of him. “I’m running late and don’t have time for this.”

Brent stood when Jonas went to leave. “I’d like to continue our conversation from yesterday.”

“I wasn’t interested then and I’m not interested now.” Jonas looked critically at Brent a moment longer before bolting out of the café. He’d made it to the first intersection where, waiting for the light to change, he felt a hand on his shoulder. “This isn’t funny,” he growled when Brent came into view.

“It’s not meant to be,” Brent said, removing his hand.

“It’s kind of creepy, actually.”

“You leave your condo almost every morning at six,” Brent said. “You’re at the café by quarter after and write for about an hour.”

Jonas, his eyes wide open, staggered backwards. “Are you stalking me?”

“You’re in your office by seven forty-five but don’t open the door until eight.” Brent spoke quickly so Jonas couldn’t interrupt. “You take your lunch from twelve thirty to one thirty, no exceptions. Most days, you leave the office at five thirty, and only stay later when it’s necessary. Outside of work, you spend a lot of time alone … writing. How many books have you published? Six, I believe. Thursday nights you have drinks with Jeff Baldwin, your best friend who still longs to be more than that. And at least twice a month you get together with Jeff, Cameron and a few others from university.” He paused. “You miss Ethan. You haven’t let anyone else into your life since his death and —”

“Who the fuck are you?” Jonas asked, his voice cracking.

“Like I’ve said before … someone who wants to talk to you about a job. I’d like you to hear me out.”

Jonas checked the time. “Look, I … I’ve got to go.”

“You’ve already called in sick today,” Brent said. “Check your phone.”

Jonas pulled out his phone and on the screen was a text message from his boss. Take all the time you need. Hope you’re feeling better soon. He levelled his gaze at Brent. “What the fuck is going on?”

“You’re not one to use so many expletives,” Brent said. “It’s one of the things we like about you. You’re always calm under pressure. That’s a great quality.”

“Who’s ‘we?’”

“Come with me. I’ll explain everything.” Brent started to move when the ‘Walk’ indicator appeared.

Jonas didn’t move. His head was spinning and he felt nauseous. What’s happening? What’s going on? It wasn’t until the ‘Don’t Walk’ signal flashed that he stepped into the street. There was a will far greater than his own that had him following Brent. Curiosity? Fear? Jonas didn’t know. But he couldn’t stop himself.

Ten minutes later, he and Brent entered the lobby of the World Exchange Plaza. They rode the elevator of Tower II to the seventh floor. They entered the suite of offices belonging to Atlas World Corp., greeted by a muscular brunette who signed him in as a ‘Visitor.’ When Jonas saw the gun holstered on the guy’s waist, he almost threw up his last mouthful of coffee.

“This way,” Brent said as he punched a code into the keypad next to the door behind the reception desk. At the clicking sound, Brent pushed it open.

Jonas could feel himself trembling as he walked towards Brent. He didn’t know what was on the other side of the door or if he really wanted to find out. All he knew was that walking through that door meant one thing.

His life would never be the same.

Filed Under: Short Stories Tagged With: amwriting, espionage, fiction, fictionfriday, flash fiction, life-changing, short story, spy, story, thriller, writing

Against His Will

June 15, 2018 by Marcus Leave a Comment

It began. In a moment. Without warning. Seated at the corner table at 217 Elgin Street, the café where he wrote before work each morning. Amid the grinding of coffee beans, the clinking of cutlery, the conversations colliding in the air … when no one was looking.

The sound of a chair scraping across the floor made Jonas Martin look up from his black hardcover notebook. Before him sat a man with smooth olive skin, close-cropped brown hair speckled with grey and eyes that burned with purpose. The guy didn’t smile, didn’t seem to blink.

“Can I help you?” Jonas said askance.

“Yes, actually.” The man pointed at the door. “Let’s go for a walk.”

Jonas raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry. I think you have me confused with someone else.”

“No, Jonas … you’re who I want to talk to.”

Jonas closed his notebook and held the man’s gaze. No, they’d never met before. He was certain of that. He remembered things. He remembered everything. The feel of his long-dead grandmother’s velvety hand on his arm. The three-inch scar on the guy’s shoulder with whom he’d lost his virginity. The words to every Nina Simone song. The name of every guy he’d slept with — no matter how bad it was or how desperate he was to forget. “Look, I don’t know who you are or what you want, but —”

“My name is Brent,” he cut in and offered a faint smile. “We’ve never met. Not officially, anyway.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Jonas said, curt. “And I don’t really think I want to, either.”

Brent chuckled. “I’m a recruiter. A headhunter. I’d like to talk to you about a job.”

Jonas picked up his charcoal grey satchel off the floor and slid the notebook inside. “I have a job.”

“I know. You’re a Senior Policy Analyst with the International Crime and Terrorism Unit at Foreign Affairs.”

Jonas’s body went rigid. “How do you know that?”

“I know a lot of things,” Brent said, matter-of-fact. “At least hear what I have to offer.”

Jonas checked the time and stood. “I’m not interested.”

Brent rose from his chair, reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a beige business card. “In case you change your mind…”

Jonas stared blankly at Brent and, after a time, slid his hands into his pockets.

Brent set the card on the table. “If you’re at all curious, give me a call.” He turned and walked away.

Jonas watched Brent, dressed in a blue checkered suit, put his phone to his ear as he neared the entrance to the café. What the fuck was that? he wondered. His gaze shifted to the card on the table, which he slid towards him as he sat down again. The text on the card read as follows: Brent Reed. Recruitment Manager. Atlas World Corp. Jonas had never heard of the company. He looked in the direction of the café entrance. Brent was gone. Now Jonas’s mind was in an anxious tumult. He didn’t know what to think of Brent Reed or his ‘offer.’ Was it a joke?

He sat there a few minutes longer, searching through his catalogue of memories, but when it came to Brent Reed he drew a blank. It didn’t make sense. None of it did. He shot out of his chair and his gaze immediately locked on the card on the table. Why couldn’t he just walk away? He pocketed the card and left the café.

As Jonas crossed in front of the National War Memorial, he reached into his pocket and fingered the card. Something didn’t feel right. And for some reason, he was thinking about the evening he’d spent with his grandmother when he was ten while his parents attended a friend’s wedding. Slurping up a bowl of his grandmother’s hamburger soup, he started asking questions. “Why does everyone call Aunt Aisha a ‘Coke Head?’” Then, without missing a beat, “Why did Uncle Carl go to jail?” And “I heard Dad say he loved the way Mom went down on him last night. What did he mean?” He raised his head when his grandmother coughed. “You okay, Grandma?”

“Just eat your soup,” she said with an edge. “And I’m gonna tell y’all something I want you to remember for a good, long time.” She leaned forward. “Curiosity killed the cat.”

A car horn honked as Jonas was about to step off the sidewalk. He felt the air brush against his face as the black Rav4 sped by. Then he looked in both directions before darting across the street.

Maybe Grandma was right. Approaching the trash bin on his right, he pulled out the card and tossed it in.

Jonas was just getting his life back on track and didn’t need any more distractions.

But some people don’t give up.

Filed Under: Short Stories Tagged With: amwriting, espionage, fiction, fictionfriday, flash fiction, life-changing, short story, spy, story, thriller, writing

The App: Love’s Surprise

March 30, 2018 by Marcus Leave a Comment

Parker’s stomach flipped when he entered Balzac’s. Between the animated voices and the pounding, grinding and gurgling coming from behind the counter, he couldn’t hear himself think. He edged his way around the tables and people standing in line, his heart thumping in his chest as he scrutinized the crowd. No Blue Jays cap. Surprised? Not really. Yet he couldn’t get that familiar metallic taste out of his mouth. Should he have known better? Absolutely. But deep down, he still believed in love and, despite his past, that he deserved to be happy.

After one more sweep of the coffee shop, Parker retraced his footsteps towards the entrance. He kept his head down, like a man walking to the execution chamber and finally ready to admit his guilt. He couldn’t bear the shame of it. Why had he thought that Jay would be any different? “God, I’m an idiot!”

Nearing the entrance, Parker stepped aside as a group of burly young men barrelled inside. When he took a step forward, that was when a warm hand grabbed his wrist. He spun around. The Blue Jays cap! And below the bill were those ocean blue eyes that probed and sometimes terrified him. “You!”

“Parker —”

“I can’t believe you did this,” Parker said, his voice pitching high. He couldn’t stop the tears pooling in his eyes and, swallowing his shock, rushed outside. He walked quickly, almost running, along the dark sidewalk through the mist-like drizzle. He heard the patter of feet behind him and picked up his pace. But it was too late. The hand on his shoulder pressed down and brought him to a stop. He could not — would not — look into those eyes again.

“Give me a chance to explain,” Jacob Harding said in a whisper. When there was no response, he slid his hand down Parker’s arm and led him into the deserted Liberty Village Park. They stopped near the large Perpetual Motion sculpture, Jacob unable to catch Parker’s eye. “Please, Parker … look at me.”

Parker jerked his arm free. “I can’t,” he said, strained. “I don’t … know who … you are.”

“I’m your friend.”

“Friend?” Parker lifted his head, his eyes roaming the unshaved, rugged face before him. “Friends don’t —”

“Calm down, Parker,” Jacob cut in, raising his voice to match Parker’s. “Just let me —”

“Explain?” Parker took a step back when Jacob went to touch his arm. “You called yourself Jay. And don’t tell me to fucking calm down.”

Jacob removed his ball cap long enough to run his hand through his hair. “Jay’s a family nickname.”

Parker bristled. “The deception. The duplicity. The lies.”

“Fine, I lied,” Jacob spat. He bit down on his lip and adjusted his hat. “I just … I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“This is sick.” Parker’s voice cracked with disgust. “And mean.”

Jacob made another unsuccessful play for Parker’s arm. “I never meant to…”

“I don’t understand this.” Parker rubbed his eyes. “I mean, you score all the time with guys, jocks —”

“Big talk. I’m a flirt. I like the attention.” Jacob pursed his lips and rolled them. “I’m a one-man kind of guy. Silly or not, I believe that my soul mate’s out there.”

“And you think that’s me?” Parker swooned, and before he could gather up his strength, Jacob stepped forward and drew him close, so close he could smell the bacon Jacob had had for breakfast. “You could have any guy.”

“So you say.” Jacob tightened his hold, their waists and stomachs pressed firmly together. “I’d still like to have that coffee with you.”

Parker, his eyes narrowing, twisted out of the embrace. “Like a date?”

Jacob chuckled and readjusted his cap. “That’s kind of how it works. Dating, that is. Two people do something together so they can get to know each other.”

“I know what dating is.” Parker sucked his teeth. “But I don’t…”

Jacob went over and took Parker’s face in his hands. He hesitated just a moment, then drew Parker to him until their mouths met. Being there, like that, with their lips pressed together, said more than words ever could. They stayed like that for about thirty seconds, then he pulled out of the kiss and smiled. “Let’s talk over coffee.”

Parker backed away. “What? And let the world hear how much of a fool I am?”

“You’re not a fool.” Jacob tugged on the sleeve of Parker’s grey jacket. “Let’s go to my place. We’ll have privacy.”

“I’m not sure about that, either.”

Jacob rolled his eyes. “We’re just going to talk. I don’t sleep with a guy on the first date. Or we can go to your place.”

Parker shook his head. “Let’s just walk.”

They walked in silence, Parker catching Jacob’s sidelong glances but never letting their eyes meet. The shock lingered, and he wondered if this was some type of practical joke. It wasn’t funny, or maybe it was in a twisted, macabre way. Or maybe this was about his pride, now wounded and bleeding, because he hadn’t seen the signs. He never thought of himself as Jacob’s type. And a frantic search through his memories revealed that there had never been any awkward moments between them, moments that could have paved the way for a season of love. Like a hand accidentally brushing against an arse. Like seeing each other naked in the locker room when they worked out together. Like… Jesus! He tried to tell me at Octavo yesterday.

Waiting for the light to change at the King and Bathurst intersection, Jacob bumped into Parker. “You okay?”

Parker turned, his gaze levelled at those magnetic eyes, and opened his mouth to speak. No words came. He just didn’t know what to say. Then it happened — the sudden bulge in his pants that made him look away. Christ, what am I supposed to do?

The answer surprised him.

Delete the app.

Filed Under: Short Stories Tagged With: amwriting, communication, contemporary, dating, family, fiction, fictionfriday, flashfiction, gayfiction, lgbt, lgbtq, love, online dating, online dating apps, relationships, shortstory, understanding, writing

The App: Avoiding Temptation

March 16, 2018 by Marcus Leave a Comment

Don’t do it. Be strong. But Parker, seated at the corner table that provided cover, couldn’t stop himself. He picked up his phone and, liked he’d done not even two minutes ago, opened Cuddlr. No new messages. He chucked it back on the table and bit down on the inside of his mouth. God, I’m pathetic.

It was hard to resist an app like Cuddlr that packaged love into the essentials — height, weight, age, race, scene and position. Fields on a screen that didn’t say much about a guy’s personality or reveal, in a meaningful way, anything about him. And frighteningly addictive, the app had thrown him a lifeline. It gave him a way to connect to a world he felt stood against him. That was what had Parker hooked, had him always reaching for his phone. Now he was trying to pull back, moderate its use.

“Morning,” the alto voice boomed.

Parker looked up, stared into the probing ocean blue eyes that sometimes terrified him and smirked. “Jacob Harding in the flesh!”

“Ha-ha.” Jacob hung his blue military-style jacket on the back of the chair. “You didn’t think I’d show?”

“Thought you would’ve gone out partying and had company this morning.”

“I’m not a ho.”

Parker raised an eyebrow. “Debatable.”

Jacob flinched. Then, after a moment, they laughed.

“Latte?” Parker asked, rising slightly.

“I’ll get it.” Jacob headed for the counter.

Parker found himself, one more time, with his phone in his hand. This time he shut it down to ward off temptation. Then his gaze landed on Jacob’s round bubble butt that had him feeling the heat burn in his cheeks. He’d never done that before … check out his friend. Now I’m just desperate.

“So, this is your spot,” Jacob said, settling into his chair.

“Yes.” Parker picked up his mug. “The coffee’s good, and so is the food.” He’d been telling Jacob about Octavo since it opened eight months ago. The cosy café-diner on Front Street West was where he stopped for an Americano on the way to work.

Parker and Jacob, junior lawyers at a prominent Toronto firm, had both just graduated with a master’s degree in international criminal law. They’d met on the first day of articling, their cubicles side-by-side. That made for an easy, if not accidental, alliance. Neither one of them could remember when it happened, but discovering that the other was gay shored up their bond. Their friendship, five years on, was anchored, real and deep.

Jacob sipped his latte. “That’s good coffee.” Then he pointed at Parker’s phone. “Make any progress on the manhunt?”

Parker bristled. “It’s not a manhunt. I’m not like you. I’m not always on the prowl.”

“And that’s why you’re not getting laid.”

“Says who?”

“Really?” Jacob ran his hand through his dark hair. “That’s hard to imagine when you find something wrong with every guy who messages you. Who are you saving yourself for?”

“The guy who won’t give me Chlamydia or gonorrhea,” Parker said cheekily. “Besides, I’m not the type to fall in love with a headless torso.”

“Not even for an hour?” Jacob smiled.

There it was, in that grin, something that softened the harshness in Jacob’s rugged face. Maybe that was why Parker now found himself doing what most men and women did in Jacob’s presence. His eyes were glued to his friend’s ripped chest that seemed set to burst through the snug-fitting shirt. He has the GQ looks and style all the guys are after. He’s perfect. Absolutely perfect. The gurgling of the coffee machine made him look up. “You can certainly do better than that,” he said with an edge.

Jacob shrugged. “The app makes it easy when you’re horny, short on time and need a quick fix. I’m not talking about love or —”

“It’s just so…” Parker’s voice trailed off. Dirty. But he’s right. It’s the Quik Mart of sex, as if you can walk right into the store and grab sex off the shelf, whatever the fetish.

“This is how it’s done now.” Jacob drummed his fingers on the table. “So, if you’re getting laid, dish.”

“No,” Parker said firmly and reached for his mug. “You might be my best friend, but there are certain things about me you don’t need to know. And vice versa.”

“Oh, come on. I tell you everything.”

Parker choked on his coffee and coughed. “I know. Without me asking!”

They laughed. Parker only half-listened as Jacob talked about what had happened in the office while he was away. He was more concerned with why Jacob seemed so interested in knowing the details of his love life. It felt like the beginning of a deposition, but he didn’t know what Jacob hoped to discover or why. But he had no interest in turning their Cuddlr experiences into a competition. And, really, how was he supposed to compete with Jacob-the-heartthrob-Harding?

With their drinks done, they stood and put on their coats as they made for the exit.

“Have you changed your mind about tonight?” Jacob asked as they stood on the sidewalk. “The DJ’s from New York. He’s supposed to be amazing.”

“Every weekend you ask me to go to FLY,” Parker said askance. “Every weekend I say no. It’s not my scene. Why do you keep asking?”

“Because I think you might have fun if you’ll let yourself,” Jacob spat.

“I’m going to the Warhol exhibit,” Parker said.

“That’s this afternoon. You could go anytime. And the AGO…” Jacob sucked his teeth. “Now there’s a great place to meet men.”

“It could happen,” Parker said.

“And God could tap me for the next Immaculate Conception,” Jacob shot back.

“You’re no virgin.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

They stood in silence, their eyes roving the street. It was as if they were afraid that making eye contact would spark another confrontation. Why were they now on edge?

Parker found Jacob’s gaze and held it. “Have a good weekend. See you Monday.”

“Tuesday,” Jacob corrected. “I have a couple of medical appointments Monday. Taking the day off.”

“Is everything all right?” Parker asked.

“It’s just that time of year. Cleaning at the dentist. Annual physical and testing for Chlamydia … I’m kidding.” Jacob shook his head at Parker’s harsh glare. “You think I’m a cheap ho, but I’m not. I’m actually quite expensive.” It didn’t take long for Parker to crack a smile. That was when Jacob stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him. The hug was brief, Jacob tightening his hold just before letting go. “See you soon.”

Parker staggered when Jacob released him. He didn’t know what to say and watched his friend move off, disappearing a short time later around the corner. What the fuck was that? The only time Jacob had ever hugged him was at his mother’s funeral, and that felt strange. But this was different, almost … intimate. He shrugged it off and made his way towards his condo building on the lakeshore. He whipped out his phone and waited for it to power on. The first thing he did was open Cuddlr.

“You have 1 new message!”

His heart raced as he tapped View Message. The excitement didn’t last long.

Christ, not him again!

Filed Under: Short Stories Tagged With: amwriting, communication, contemporary, dating, family, fiction, fictionfriday, flashfiction, gayfiction, lgbt, lgbtq, love, online dating, online dating apps, relationships, shortstory, understanding, writing

The App

March 9, 2018 by Marcus Leave a Comment

“You have 1 new message!” flashed on the screen.

Parker Wright, his eyes locked on the words, went rigid. He didn’t want to do it, didn’t want to open it. Yet even as his index finger hovered over the Delete button, he couldn’t stop himself. He tapped on View Message.

Hi, Sexy.

Parker hit the Profile icon, groaning as he read the description. White. Toned. Single. “Like that narrows it down,” he grunted, scrolling back to the photo of the CN Tower. And that didn’t impress as much as it made him suspicious. It wasn’t 1950, so why couldn’t he show his face? Was he hiding … from his wife? Parker had no interest in married men or learning about the guy’s intentions. He was done and deleted the message.

Despite being a late convert to apps like Cuddlr, Parker accepted and appreciated the ‘unspoken’ rules. Especially the golden rule: No face pic, no chat. And profile photos of headless torsos and cityscapes made it hard for him to believe that true love was only a tap away. He wasn’t car shopping, wasn’t trying to build and price it online. But there were similarities. He could choose the make and model, new or used, and select the finishes. Unlike most guys, he wasn’t paying that close attention to ‘legroom.’

Ding.

He groaned. Another new message. He knew he should delete it, but his curiosity got the better of him.

No face pic, no chat, right?

Seated on the brown leather sofa, Parker tucked his legs under his body. He set the phone on his thigh, then ran his hand over his face. ‘No face pic, no chat’ was a line of defense against the online trolls. The ones he couldn’t seem to avoid since joining Cuddlr two weeks ago. The faceless chatters who asked him the all-important questions: ‘Looking?’ or ‘Into?’ or ‘Hung?’ They were never the first to volunteer their own stats or what they were looking for. There were others, with completely blank profiles, who claimed to be ‘around’ his age. He tried to be civil and not block them outright, but it wasn’t easy. Not when they finally sent a photo that proved they were old enough to be his father. Parker didn’t want a ‘daddy.’ He already had one useless father in his life, and he wasn’t looking to be kept.

Still there?

Parker stared blankly at his phone. What was he trying to prove by not answering? That he could serve up the ruthlessness online dating sometimes required. Then he caught himself thinking about his mother and holding her frail hand in his. Her sunken eyes were fixed on him and, in between her shallow breaths, she’d said to him, “Guard your character and your manners.” What would she think if she saw him now? The answer made him nauseous: Disappointed.

Parker picked up his phone and typed his message. Hi. How are you?

Nothing.

The silence didn’t surprise him. Experience had shown that most guys wanted instantaneity. And protocol demanded a quick exchange of stats and other photos. After that, if there was interest, the next step was to meet — soon, ergo now — to see what could happen. Sexually. No time-wasters allowed. Parker wasn’t in any rush. He’d rushed three years ago, moving in with a guy after only dating for four months. They’d been living together two months when his boyfriend announced he was leaving. No explanation. No hint of another man. No hint of being unhappy. That left Parker broken and determined to lead a solitary life. Like a proud gay male spinster. But he was a man … with needs. His membership on Cuddlr was a test to see if he could, one more time, open himself up to love. He yawned and checked the time. 11:36 p.m. Just then another ding.

Hey, sorry. Phone call. I’m well, thanks. You?

Parker typed quickly. Good to hear. I’m fine, thanks.

Not going out tonight?

No, Parker sent back. Quiet night at home. You?

Resting up. Will party hard tomorrow.

Parker cringed. He wasn’t interested, either, in guys who lived for the bar scene. Cool. I’ll let you rest. Night.

Not inter—

Parker powered off his phone and got ready for bed. He lay in the darkness, his frustration simmering and set to boil over. What was he doing on the app? Was he really open to love? Or had he already convinced himself that he was meant for a solitary life? He didn’t want to believe that, but it was Friday night and he was alone. Like always. He rolled onto his side and curled into the foetal position. He felt like a man with few connections in the world, without direction, without a real sense of purpose. He was unsure of where he was going and no memory of being happy. What was wrong with him? Since the end of his last relationship, he’d built up walls — fortified and impenetrable — around him. It was the only way not to be disappointed, to not let himself be hurt again.

He closed his eyes, almost instantly transported him to a dream world where he wasn’t alone and where love had the power to make him sing … until he woke up.

Filed Under: Short Stories Tagged With: amwriting, communication, contemporary, dating, family, fiction, fictionfriday, flashfiction, gayfiction, lgbt, lgbtq, love, online dating, online dating apps, relationships, shortstory, understanding, writing

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