2019 was a year of personal growth and reflection. I understood, finally, what it would take for me to get to where I want to go — and what I must do to get there. Commit to learning more about Amazon ads and other book marketing strategies. Reintroduce a dedicated writing time into my day and stick to it. Run early in the morning … before the sun rises. Take time off to play and rejuvenate. Not be so hard on myself. Some of those won’t be easy or comfortable. Some I don’t really want to do. But sometimes changing your life means changing your habits, and that’s downright scary. [Read more…] about Off the Grid in 2020
social media
Cutting Out the Noise
Chasing down big dreams, another lesson I’ve learned is this: cut out the noise.
Battling Social Media
For me, that ‘noise’ is social media — Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and e-mail. We could argue (I won’t, though) that smartphones make our lives easier. But the new norm is for us to be available 24/7. Scared we’re going to miss out on something, we’re always reaching for our phones (next time you’re outside, take a moment to observe the number of people walking with their heads down and glued to their devices). And the tendency to stay connected all the time can kill productivity. [Read more…] about Cutting Out the Noise
Count Your Blessings
When I moved to Toronto in March 2013, life overwhelmed. New job. New love. Figuring out how to make this new city feel like home. In an unexpected way, I found comfort reading Rhonda Bynre’s The Magic. Writing a daily gratitude list is a lesson and practice from that book that has stuck with me. When you count your blessings at the start of your day, it’s hard to be grumpy, cynical or pessimistic. Like writing, it’s an act that anchors me to the present moment.
Life is busy. I know. Building a career as a writer around a day job and other life responsibilities isn’t easy, especially with so much pressure for us to be ‘connected’ 24/7. But sometimes the greatest gift we can give ourselves — one that offers perspective and the possibility of unforeseen insights to move us and our dreams forward — is to step back and give thanks for the blessings in our lives.
This Life
Turn on the TV, pick up a newspaper, log in to your social media accounts … you’ll witness a startling truth. We live in an age where it’s not just easier, but more the accepted norm, to criticize, insult and belittle each other. Instead of working together to build each other up, we’d rather tear each other apart. We focus more on what divides us than what should unite us. We’re constantly separating ourselves into camps — liberal/conservative, republican/democrat, vegan/carnivore, introvert/extravert — convinced that one is better than the other. And worse, still, we show little or no willingness to understand the other point of view. It’s become an unattractive state of being.
Yet there is so much more to life, and we should relish the very gift of waking up each morning to see a new day. Cutting through the noise, my daily gratitude list reminds me of that. In this life, I’m grateful for my partner, family, friends, and job. For the people working to improve the lives of others. For the positivity I welcome into each day, doing my best to bring joy wherever I go. Grateful, yes, to see the beauty that is this world.
Doing What You Love
Everywhere you turn, someone is offering advice: Ten Ways to Maximize Your Instagram Engagement, Five Simple Ways to Advance Your Career, Eight Tips for Effective Time Management, et. al. We scramble to take it all in and sign up for multiple newsletters, online training/webinars, or search for the next great app promising to improve productivity (I’ve done it all). And the next thing you know — badda bing badda boom — you’re living someone else’s dream.
And that’s why I’m grateful for having had the courage to listen to that ‘still small voice’ that encouraged me to follow my heart’s true desire. Writing. It’s the one thing in this life that makes my heart sing. So, every day — no matter where I am in the world, no matter the challenges life throws at me — I write. It’s how I know, as my friend Adrienne reminded me, that I’m doing my best to “stay grounded in your conviction that you’re doing what you want to do and feel called to do.” And best of all … I’m doing it my way!
Personal Cheerleaders
When you dare to declare your dream to the world, there’s bound to be people who’ll tell you you’ll fail. They’ll laugh or ask if you’ve been drinking. They’ll be a family member, friend, or colleague. Some will even stop talking to you. Why? You have something they do not: the courage to act, to imagine what is possible and go after it.
That’s why I’m grateful for my friends who’ve been with me from the beginning of my writing journey. Not sure how to proceed after receiving the umpteenth rejection letter, they encouraged me to keep writing. Sharing the news my first book was accepted for publication, they cheered, “Yay, you!” When a reader posted a harsh review, they told me to keep writing. And on the days I doubted myself and my talent, they told me to keep writing.
These are my personal cheerleaders who believe in me when others don’t, and that makes all the difference.
As Melody Beattie reminds us, “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.”
That’s why today, and every day, it’s important to take a moment to count your blessings.
What’s one thing that you’re grateful for today? Click Reply or leave a comment in the section below. I’d love to hear from you.
The 30-Minute-a-Day Social Media Diet
In November 2015, I pulled the plug on social media — Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Blogger. Then I went beyond that. I limited my use of e-mail, kept the TV off during the day (until my partner came home from work and turned it on), sent few text messages and, when I wasn’t working at my day job, kept my mobile on ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode.
Going Dark
I went dark, off the grid. This was, in part, inspired by a story I’d read two years earlier about a family that decided to live like it was 1986 again. No computers, internet, or cell phones. And they dressed the part, too, with mullets and cut-off jeans. They brought 1986 to the 21st century to embrace the simplicity of that era. That said a lot, to me anyway, about how we’ve evolved — and the role technology has played in that evolution. Would I want to return to 1986 (I was thirteen then)? Probably not.
While I didn’t go to that extreme, I required a much-needed timeout from social media because I felt overwhelmed. At that time, I was working on the rewrite of a novel and trying to stay current on industry trends. Suddenly, I felt like everything was coming at me fast and furious. On Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, or my inbox, the bombardment was unrelenting: ‘advice’ on holiday book marketing, or writing and selling your novel, or how authors can use Facebook Lead Generation Ads, or how to grow your followers, et. al. Overwhelmed, I couldn’t hear myself think, didn’t know how to proceed.
Being overwhelmed had a spiraling effect. I don’t know how to move myself forward, couldn’t concentrate, and then procrastination set in. And boy, oh, boy, did I embrace procrastination! Frustrated (and it was all my own doing) because I wasn’t making progress, wasn’t pushing the boundaries, wasn’t bringing my writing projects to completion. Everything stalled, and I was left flailing.
So, I went dark, off the grid. For two weeks.
An Uneasy Relationship
Now it’s 2019, and I haven’t gone off the grid again. As a self-published author, I recognize and appreciate that social media — Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. — can be powerful tools in the promotion of my author brand. It’s still not something that comes easily or naturally to me, but I’m grateful for the exchanges on Twitter and Facebook that connect me with other writers/artists facing similar challenges. Holed up in my own world, I’ve become part of a community that supports and encourages each other. And it’s great to connect with readers, too.
But…
Social media has a way of sucking you into the vortex. A decision to check in ‘quickly’ on Twitter can blow apart your day. That’s why social media is both my friend and my enemy. I took the timeout because social media felt more like my enemy.
My enemy. Because, real or imagined, some days social media has dominion over me. Am I engaging enough? How many likes did my post get? Has anyone responded on Facebook? I get all worked up about if I’m doing it right, if I’m doing what I should be doing to be successful (if I’m listening to all the expert advice out there).
The social media world is constantly evolving. Late in 2018, as I started to catch up to some changes that had occurred in recent months — and realized I was far behind in the game — I panicked. I felt like I immediately had to get up to speed. Overwhelmed, I couldn’t think, couldn’t focus and, worst of all, couldn’t write. I took a day and a half to step back, breathe and then come up with a plan to move forward.
You Need a Plan
When I went dark three years ago and pulled away (briefly) from social media, I was happy with the results. I wrote. More focused, my productivity skyrocketed. That meant I ran more, and got out of the condo to explore my neighbourhood, discovering new restaurants and shops. I read more, challenged myself in the kitchen and organized my spice cupboard (the latter is back in a state of disarray). I felt relaxed and, at the end of each day, a sense of accomplishment. Something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
The exercise made me realize, as an indie author — or any artist these days — you can’t bury your head in the sand when it comes to social media. But you still don’t have to let it rule the day. Yes, writers like Stephen King, Paulo Coelho and Jodi Picoult use social media (and brilliantly at that), but if you asked them I bet they’d tell you they had a plan for social media management. You need a plan, too, but one that you’re comfortable with and let’s you pursue your creativity your way. It’s a little like writing or painting or making music … you have to find your voice.
The Wake-Up Call
In December 2018, I realized I needed to make changes to my daily schedule if I really wanted to achieve my goals. At the end of the day, I didn’t feel fulfilled … like I had squandered the time gifted to me to live out my purpose. I wasn’t tending faithfully to my dreams. That need for change led me to read books by Brendon Burchard, Brené Brown, Michael Hyatt and Keith Ellis — so I could be inspired to do what was necessary to live my best life ever.
I was excited, energized, pumped.
But nothing changed. Why? I couldn’t break the cycle of self-sabotage. After all these years, I was still afraid of what people would think of me for daring to be a writer. That they’d ridicule me (which people did and still do) when I talk about my dream of writing full-time. “Stick to what’s safe,” they told me. Or, “How many books have you sold?” they’d ask mockingly. “I could never do that.” And I took their fear and owned it.
Until…
In January, working the flight to London, something felt off. Usually excited to go to London, I felt numb. Listening to my colleagues talk, a calmness invaded my heart. I went quiet. I realized this wasn’t my dream. Sure, it’s great to travel the world. Having 13-14 days off each month? Freakin’ fantastic. Great benefits? Absolutely. Starting my day in the middle of the night, stuck with rude passengers and colleagues at 35,000 feet for hours, and beyond exhausted for 24-36 hours after returning home? Not my dream.
It was time to start marching to the beat of my own ambition.
The 30-Minute-a-Day Social Media Diet
I didn’t quit my job. I focused on expressing my truest voice instead of constantly giving myself over to distractions and unfulfilling activities. On the top of my hitlist? Social media.
I have an active presence on three social media platforms: Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. That is the order I give them priority. And now, each network gets only 10 minutes a day of my time. How do I do that? I use Screen Time, Freedom and StayFocusd.
Screen Time: Available on iOS, it lets me set a daily allotment of time for each app. When the allotted time runs out, access to the app is blocked. Be aware, though, that it’s easy to ignore the limit set, so it also requires self-discipline.
Freedom: This app allows me to block websites as well as apps on my iPhone for the time period set (make sure you create a block list).
StayFocusd: A Google Chrome extension, it allows users to limit time spent on certain websites and block access to the internet (Nuclear Option).
Three apps, using them 10 minutes a day, produces the 30-minute-a-day social media diet.
That’s how, finally, I’m mastering my day, taking control of the agenda and direction of my life.
Do you have a plan for social media management? How is it working for you? Click Reply or leave a comment in the section below. I’d love to hear from you.
It’s a Crazy World
It’s a crazy world out there, and some days I struggle to make sense of it all. And the advent of social media hasn’t helped, either. Sometimes it’s hard not to think that Facebook, Twitter, SnapChat, Instagram et. al. have made living a lot more complicated. Or maybe more challenging. Or something altogether different.
Unfathomable. Bewildering. Messy.
The past few months have been all those things and more. From the much-anticipated return of Rosanne to its shocking demise to an unexpected spin-off, The Connors … without the ‘star.’ The tragic deaths of Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain and Jackson Odell. In Ontario, the election of Doug Ford and the PC Party earlier this month — and the unquestionable futility of the first-past-the-post system. And everything about the Kardashians.
But from all these things comes a lesson: write your story … the way you want it told.
I’ve been writing my story for almost forty-five years. Sometimes it’s felt like a soap opera with dramatic plot twists, tears, secrets, lies and betrayal. Friends have come and gone from my life, although I’m extremely grateful for those who’ve remained over the years despite the distances that separate us. There’s been great love and heartbreak, joy and tragedy. There have been detours, backtracking and times when I’ve ‘disappeared.’ It hasn’t always been easy, but when you’re doing your best to live the life you want, there’s never a dull moment.
Dreams Give Life
In this crazy world — as we move along this great journey called life — we cannot be afraid to dream. Dreams give us hope for a better tomorrow. Dreams allow us to see our potential and who we can become. Dreams make us feel alive.
Dreams give us our voice, and it is up to us to decide how we want that voice to be heard. When I sit down to write every day, I’m telling the world, “I’m a writer, hear me roar!” When you touch your paintbrush to the canvas, you’re telling the world, “I’m an artist, hear me roar!” When you show up at the local mission to help those who are less fortunate, you’re telling the world, “I’m being of service, hear me roar!” It’s in these moments — through our actions — that we’re writing our story … the way we want it told.
We’re not letting anyone else speak for us. We’re not allowing someone else’s expectations dictate how we should act or who we should become. At the moment we commit to making our dreams come true, and with each daily action, we have taken a stand. We are awakened. We are cutting through all the noise and living the life we’ve imagined.
Yes, that’s the moment when — in this crazy world — we’re telling our story the way we want it told.
Are you telling your story the way you want it told? Let me know in the comments section below.