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Marcus Lopés

LGTBQIA2S+ Author, Blogger, Runner

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understanding

The Visit: The Complete Story

June 8, 2018 by Marcus Leave a Comment

Trevor, seated on the living room sofa reading, looked up from his book when the doorbell sounded. His wide camel-brown eyes sidled the clock on the mantelpiece. Twelve minutes past eleven on Saturday morning and he wasn’t expecting anyone. He kept reading until he heard the thunder of feet barreling down the staircase and shifted his focus to the front hall.

“Oh, how marvellous,” the nasal voice said. “You’re home.”

Trevor closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. Oh, dear Lord … not today, was his silent supplication. He opened his eyes, folded down the top corner of the page to mark his spot and closed the book. He shook his head when the tall brunette entered the living room, offering that goofy smile that even after four years still made him feel buttery inside. “Oliver —”

“Look who’s here,” Oliver said nervously when the silver-haired woman appeared at his side.

Trevor placed his book down on the coffee table, stood and crossed to the woman. “Always a delight, Phyllis.” He kissed her lightly on the cheek.

“You’re a terrible liar,” Phyllis said dryly, then turned to Oliver. “Could I trouble you for a cup of tea?”

“Sure,” Oliver said and bolted for the kitchen.

“You know how I like it,” she called out after him.

Trevor thrust himself back onto the sofa. “With a dash of cyanide.”

“Ha-ha.” Phyllis lowered herself onto the other matching sofa. “We should try to get along, especially if this thing between you and my son is going to go on for a while.”

“You mean we should pretend to get along.” Trevor reached for his book and flipped it open. “I’m okay with not liking each other. That’d mean we wouldn’t have to speak to each other, right?”

“I don’t understand why you don’t like me,” Phyllis snapped.

The book slipped through Trevor’s fingers and onto his lap. “You don’t understand why I don’t like you?”

“I’ve been nothing but kind —”

“Kind?” Trevor howled. “That from the woman who said to Oliver, when he first brought me home to meet you, ‘Why are you dating a black man?’”

“Well, I … it was a shock.”

“Was it still the shock when you organized a surprise party for Oliver’s thirtieth birthday and didn’t invite me?” He rolled his eyes as Phyllis just sat there, her shifty ice blue eyes roving the room. “We’d been living together for two years.”

“That’s not how I remember it,” Phyllis shot back.

Trevor sucked his teeth. “Of course not.”

“My other sons and daughters-in-law adore me.”

Trevor, trying to tamp down his urge to laugh, dropped his head.

“Just the other day Laura told me that I was her favourite mother-in-law.”

Trevor looked up, an eyebrow raised. “How many mothers-in-law has Laura had?”

“How droll.” Phyllis adjusted the silk scarf around her neck. “How come I’ve never met your parents?”

Trevor bristled. “Would you want to? I mean, they’re black like me.”

“Trevor!” Oliver cried as came into the room.

“If you’re serious about meeting them,” Trevor said, trying to suppress his smirk, “they’re in the urn on the mantelpiece.”

“Trevor…” Oliver sounded exasperated. He handed the teacup and saucer to his mother. “Just the way you like it.” He moved around to the other sofa, sat down next to Trevor and stared questioningly at his mother. “So?”

“It’s delightful,” Phyllis said after sipping her tea.

Oliver scratched his forehead. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh…” Phyllis blinked magnificently. “Well, sometimes, that man is impossible.”

“Ha!” Trevor slapped his hand on his thigh and couldn’t stifle his cackling laugh.

Oliver drove his elbow into Trevor’s side. “What did Dad do this time?”

“Do?” Phyllis shook her head violently. “He doesn’t do anything but sit in front of the TV. So I left. Now I need a place to stay.”

Oliver swallowed repeatedly. “You want to stay here?”

“Your other siblings…” Phyllis’s voice cracked. “They said it would be … inconvenient.”

“Ha!” Trevor leaned forward, his sides cramping and tears in his eyes.

“Stop that,” Oliver said through gritted teeth.

Phyllis set the cup and saucer on the coffee table. “It’ll probably be inconvenient for you, too.”

“Mom…” Oliver touched his hand to Trevor’s thigh. “Of course you can stay with us.”

Trevor sat up straight, his eyes wild and locked on Oliver. “Really?”

“She’s my mother,” Oliver said in a whisper. “I just can’t —”

Trevor waved him off. “I need a drink.” He stormed out of the room.

“I’ve never really liked him,” Phyllis said when she was alone with Oliver.

Oliver flicked his eyebrows. “I think the feeling’s mutual.”

***

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Trevor warned, yanking out the cork from the bottle of Lagavulin. He poured another generous amount into the crystal tumbler, jammed the cork back in and returned the bottle to the counter with a hard clank. “You’re not my favourite person at the moment.” He felt the weight of hands on his shoulders, then started to squirm as the wet tongue traced the curve of his ear.

“You love me,” that gravelly voice said. “Don’t fight it.”

That voice … it was what had hooked him, had his manhood stirring with the simple, “Hello,” that Oliver greeted him with on their first date. Now wasn’t the time to be nostalgic.

Trevor twisted out of Oliver’s grasp and shot off the stool. He looked in Oliver’s direction but not right at him. This was his time to be strong, to stand his ground. He wouldn’t cower to Oliver’s dreamy, sapphire blue eyes. Not this time. “She can’t stay here.”

“I can’t throw her out tonight,” Oliver said, taking a step forward.

Trevor took a matching step backwards. “I can.”

“Trevor…” Oliver rushed Trevor, who didn’t have time to react, and held him close. “She’s my mother … what do you expect me to do?”

Trevor tried to break free, twisting and turning, but Oliver held on.

“Stop fighting and just listen,” Oliver said, almost shouting.

Trevor struggled for another twenty seconds, then stood there absolutely still. When he felt Oliver’s grip relax, he pushed away violently. “I’m your partner. That should count for something.”

Oliver, after making an unsuccessful play for Trevor’s hand, folded his arms. “You’re not making this easy.”

“I’m not making this easy?” Trevor massaged his temple. “You do understand why your mother and I can’t be under the same roof, don’t you?”

“Trevor —”

“No, no,” Trevor said, waving his hand in disagreement. “She doesn’t get a free pass for what happened last week. Maybe you need a reminding…”

Trevor felt his chest tightening as he recounted the events of last Sunday. It was their turn to host the monthly family dinner that had long been a tradition in Oliver’s family. More of a cook than Oliver, Trevor spent the day before preparing for the meal and the mob set invade their home. And just before their first guest arrived Oliver, sporting that goofy smile that always made Trevor swoon, told him everything was perfect.

While Oliver showed off his new R1 motorcycle to his brothers, Trevor was alone in the kitchen cleaning up. He didn’t want any help. He wanted to be on his own, have a little peace. When he was almost done, he went to return the oversized turkey platter to the sideboard in the dining room. He heard the hushed voices and stopped outside the sliding doors, which he’d left slightly ajar. He immediately recognized that nasal voice. Phyllis! He discreetly looked into the room to see his ‘mother-in-law’ who, standing by the patio doors and with her back to him, had Oliver’s younger sister Andrea cornered.

“I’ve always thought Oliver could do better,” Phyllis said. “He seems happy—”

“Oliver is happy,” Andrea said firmly. “God, don’t you see the way he and Trevor look at each other? It’s like they’re the only ones in the room. Theo and I stopped looking at each other that way after two years.”

“I don’t understand…” Phyllis cut herself off, her exasperation gaining dominion. “I raised him better than that. If only the South had won that war things would definitely be different. Especially here in Halifax.”

Trevor pushed one of the sliding doors open so hard that when it bounced in the frame the entire house fell silent.

Phyllis spun around, her face twisting in shock. “Oh, Trevor, I was just telling Andrea —”

“‘If only the South had won that war,’” he said slowly, a way to tamp down the anger flowing through his veins.

Phyllis let out a forced laugh. “Oh, it’s just a manner of speaking.”

“‘A manner of speaking,’” Trevor repeated caustically.

Phyllis, unsure what to do with her hands, clasped them behind her back. “Well, back then … it was just the natural order of things. It made things simpler.”

“Mom, I think we should go,” Andrea said, panicked. She tried to nudge her mother out of the room.

Oliver appeared and, when he saw the disbelief raging in Trevor’s face, slumped against the door. “Mom, what did you do now?”

The phone rang, and Trevor rolled his eyes as Oliver sprinted to answer it. God, some days he’s such a momma’s boy. He crossed to the island counter, picked up his scotch and drained it. Oliver was back and before he could say anything, Trevor threw him a warning look. “Who was that?”

“Dad,” Oliver said, tapping his foot. “He said he … had the locks changed.”

“That’s it!” Trevor started for the door. “This isn’t a one-night thing. And I’m not going to be miserable in my own home. She can go to a hotel.”

Oliver grabbed Trevor by the arm. “Trevor —”

“I’ll make it simple…” Trevor jerked his arm away. “It’s either her or me.”

***

Oliver slammed the door and marched into the living room. “We need to talk.”

Phyllis, seated on the sofa reading Maclean’s, looked up and smiled. “I’m so glad you’re home. It’s been horrible having no one to talk to.” She tossed the magazine onto the coffee table. “Tell me all about your day.”

“Mom, I’m not seven years old,” Oliver said brutishly. “I don’t want to talk about my goddamn day.” He lowered himself onto the sofa, clasped his hands together on his lap and locked his gaze on his mother. “Don’t you realize what you’re doing?”

Phyllis bristled. “All I did was ask my son about his day and he bit my head off. I didn’t raise him to speak to me like that.”

“You don’t think you deserve it?” he asked, unable to check his surprise.

“I most certainly do not.” Phyllis stood and went to leave the room.

“Sit down, Mom,” Oliver said, almost shouting.

Phyllis spun around. “I won’t stand here and let you talk to me like I’m … a two-bit hussy.”

Oliver bounced off the sofa and charged across the room, grabbing his mother by the arm as she started again for the door. “I’m not talking to you like a ‘two-bit hussy.’ I’m talking to you like a…” He censored himself before he could say the word that would have taken them to a point of no return. He shepherded her back to the sofa and forced her to sit. He drew in a deep breath, held on to it a few seconds, then pushed it out violently through his nose. “You’re my mother, and I love you. I don’t know if you’re being like this because of what’s going between you and Dad, or —”

“Being like what?” Phyllis interrupted.

“Insufferable!” Oliver said with emphasis. “You’re being mean, and the things you say … I don’t know if it’s intentional or not, but you keep hurting me.”

“Hurting you?” Phyllis’s voice pitched high with disbelief. “How am I hurting you?”

“Really?” Oliver ran his hand down the side of his face. “Are you going to sit there and play dumb?” There was a silence. “I love Trevor. He’s my light. When I’m sick, he makes me homemade soup. He makes me laugh by hogging the blankets when we climb into bed because I steal them in the night. Or so he tells me. When I lost my job two years ago because of cutbacks, he said, ‘Don’t worry … I’ve got this.’ That let me take the time I needed to find the next right thing. He’s been … he’s good to me. I thought you of all people would appreciate that.”

“I don’t know…” Phyllis, dodging Oliver’s gaze, reached for the Maclean’s magazine. “I don’t know how you ever got mixed up with those people.”

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” Oliver barked and snatched the magazine away. “All you see is the colour of his skin. I see who he is.” He dropped his head and bit down on his lip. “This isn’t just my home. It’s Trevor’s, too. That’s why … you can’t stay here.”

“Where am I supposed to go?” Phyllis asked, indignant.

Oliver rose. “I don’t know and, frankly, I don’t care. But you being here … you’re tearing my home and my world apart. It has to stop.”

“Oliver, I’m —”

Oliver raised a hand. “Please just pack your things and go.” He strode out of the room and down the hall to Trevor’s office. He stood in the doorway and waited to hear the clickety-clack of his mother’s high heels against the hardwood floor. He’d finally stood up to her — stood up for his life and his worth.

As his gaze fell on Trevor’s desk where the laptop used to be, he felt the tears pooling in his eyes. He could still hear the savageness in Trevor’s alto voice. “I’ll make it simple … it’s either her or me.” Oliver had said nothing, watching as the rage in Trevor’s camel-brown eyes turned to disappointment. And he remained silent when Trevor sprinted up the stairs. He thought it was a bluff until Trevor appeared at the front door with his suitcase and satchel. He knew Trevor waited for him to say something, but he just stood there with his mouth agape. Then Trevor slipped out of the house, and the life he’d imagined was in pieces.

A loud bang made Oliver jump, and he looked up at the ceiling. “What’s she up to now?” He pulled out his phone and dialled Trevor’s cell number. After the fourth ring, it cut away to voicemail. He hung up without leaving a message.

Then came the thud of the front door closing. He raced into the living room and stood in front of the window. He watched as his mother got into her silver Volvo and felt, for the first time in almost a week, relief. He pulled up Trevor’s number again on his phone and dialled. Still no answer. But this time, when prompted to leave a message, he said the only two words that mattered, “She’s gone.”

Was it enough to convince Trevor to come home?

God, he hoped so.

And when his phone rang five minutes later — Trevor’s name lighting up the screen — he was about to find out.

***

Trevor went to jam his key in the lock when the front door swung open. He did not — could not — move as those dreamy, sapphire-blue eyes bore into him. Something was different. It wasn’t Oliver’s usual intent look of desire that could have them devouring each other before they made it to the bedroom. No, it was something worse. Disappointment.

Oliver stepped forward and reached for Trevor’s suitcase, dragging it into the house. He set it by the foot of the staircase, then slipped his hands in his pockets. “Are you going to come in?”

Trevor stepped into the house and closed the door. The dominant silence that followed, broken only by the tick-tock of the wall clock, had his chest tightening. It was like, all of a sudden, they didn’t know how to speak to each other or how to act.

“So what happens next?” Oliver asked with an edge.

“I’m not sure,” Trevor said quietly, his gaze held to the floor.

“Do you want to stay?”

Trevor looked up. “What?”

“Do you want to stay?” Oliver repeated brutishly. “Or do you just want to … end this. I mean, you won’t look at me so maybe you didn’t want to come back here after all.”

Trevor levelled his gaze at Oliver. “I didn’t know what I was coming back to.”

“I told you when I called that my mother was gone.”

“It took you four days to get her out of this house,” Trevor said, almost shouting, “out of our house.”

“She’s my mother,” Oliver countered. “She was upset. What was I supposed to do?”

“Stand up for me. Stand up for us.” Trevor folded his arms. “She has ridiculed me since you took me to meet her. All she’s done is make me feel like I’m second-rate because I’m black. And it’s always been clear that she’d rather you be with anyone but me. And you’ve never stood up to her, always telling me, ‘She grew up in a different time. Things were different then.’ Fuck, Oliver, it’s 2016. Maybe … maybe you’re ashamed to be with me.”

Oliver’s eyes went wide. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

“Then maybe I shouldn’t be here after all.” Trevor adjusted the strap of his satchel on his shoulder. “There you go again, not saying anything. You’re still defending her.”

“I kicked my mother out of the house two days ago,” Oliver spat, moving to intercept Trevor. “I told her to leave because she kept hurting me, hurting you in our home … and that it had to stop. Two days, I called you, told you she was gone. Why…” He blinked rapidly to force back the tears banking in his eyes. “Why didn’t you come home then? Why did you wait so long?”

Trevor looked down. He’d waited because he needed time to think. When Oliver had invited Phyllis to stay, without them discussing it, Trevor was no longer sure where he belonged. After he left, he wasn’t sure if this house could ever be home again. He felt the warm hand envelope his and raised his head. Was it the touch, or Oliver’s dreamy eyes? Trevor didn’t know, but he felt his lips curling into a smile. “Your nostrils flare when you’re angry. I never noticed that before.”

“That’s because this is the first time I’ve ever been mad at you,” Oliver said, smirking.

Trevor, chuckling, matched Oliver’s pressure. They’d never really argued, never let things stick to them. Four years after their first date, they were like newlyweds who couldn’t get enough of each other. Life was perfect. Absolutely perfect. At least until his mother-in-law’s last visit.

“Your mother’s a battle-axe.” Trevor pulled his hands out of Oliver’s loosening grasp, then set his satchel on the floor. “Maybe I should have come back sooner. Maybe I shouldn’t have left at all, but your mother … she’s —”

“Impossible,” Oliver broke in, making a play for Trevor’s hand. “It took me a while to see that.”

“‘Impossible’ isn’t exactly the word I was going to use.”

“I know.” Oliver winked, wrapped his arm around Trevor’s waist and led him into the living room. They sat down on the sofa, their legs touching. Oliver placed his hand on Trevor’s knee. “I am not ashamed of you,” he said with emphasis. “I hope you know that.”

Trevor shook his head. “I know. I’m sorry I said that.”

“You’re the man I love.” Oliver leaned in and pressed his lips to Trevor’s, held them there briefly, then pulled back. “And no matter how angry my mother makes you, or if I do something that pisses you off … please don’t ever leave like that again. I was sick every night not knowing if you were going to come back.”

“Then let’s make a deal,” Trevor said.

Oliver brushed his dark wavy hair out of his face. “A deal?”

“I won’t leave again, if you don’t ever invite your mother to stay the night without discussing it with me first.”

Oliver held out his hand. “Deal.”

Trevor, accepting the handshake, found himself being pulled forward. The next thing he felt was Oliver’s mouth on his. As their tongues danced, he wrapped his arms around Oliver and drew him tight. Their bodies shifted and, working to stretch out on the sofa, they fell onto the floor and started laughing.

Oliver climbed on top of Trevor. “We’re good?”

“We’re good.” Trevor touched his hand to the side of Oliver’s stubbly face. “I love you.”

“I’m glad because…” Oliver leaned forward and whispered into Trevor’s ear, “Mom’s coming over for dinner.”

Trevor shoved Oliver off him and shot up off the floor. He charged into the foyer and stabbed his feet into his shoes.

“Trevor…” Oliver rushed to Trevor and pinned him against the wall. “God, I was kidding.”

Trevor raised an eyebrow. “You think that’s funny?”

“Kind of,” Oliver said, smirking.

“You’re incorrigible.”

Oliver smiled. “That’s why you love me so.”

Filed Under: Short Stories Tagged With: amwriting, compromise, family, fiction, fridayfiction, indieauthors, lgbtq, love, mother-in-law, patience, relationships, shortstory, understanding, writing

Broken

May 18, 2018 by Marcus Leave a Comment

“I don’t know why I came,” Ian said, glancing at his watch. “It’s been a goddamn waste of time.”

“Will you mind your language,” Karen said through gritted teeth. “You’re in church, not on Third Street turning a trick.”

Ian’s eyes went wide. “That was uncalled for. I haven’t turned a trick in years. And for the record, we’re in the refectory.”

Karen’s mouth dropped open.

“God, you’re gullible.” Ian rolled his eyes.

“You know…” Karen pursed her lips, but that couldn’t stifle her groan. She locked onto those beautiful but rather deceitful copper blue eyes. “This is an important day and I’d like to get through it without any drama. So, try to behave … and watch your language.”

“Bite me, Karen,” Ian spat. He surveyed the room, not knowing anyone. When he saw the woman wearing an obnoxious wide brim black hat coming towards them, he threw his sister a knowing look.

“Don’t start,” Karen warned. “You know she means well.” Then she stepped forward to accept the hug being offered. “Thanks for being here, Aunt Geraldine.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Geraldine said as the two women pushed apart.

Ian held up his arms in an ‘X’ when his aunt went to embrace him. “I’m good, thanks.”

Karen swatted at her brother. “Ian…”

“What a lovely service,” Geraldine said, lifting her pudgy arms to adjust her hat.

“Why do people say that?” Ian sucked his teeth. “‘What a lovely service.’ Jesus Henry Fucking Christ … it’s not the Fourth of July.”

Karen’s eyes were on fire. “I know you’re upset, but your language is —”

“I’m not upset,” Ian interrupted. “Fuck, I barely knew the man.”

Today mimicked that rainy and humid August day when Ian was six years old. He stood on the covered porch of their three-bedroom bungalow on Marlon Avenue and waved as his father backed the beat-up maroon Oldsmobile out of the driveway. Then that evening, at six thirty, the rest of the family sat down for dinner without his father, who was usually home by six. That night the front door never opened.

He could still see his mother — her eyes red and filled with tears, the Marlboro cigarette pinched between her chapped lips — seated at the kitchen table and calling the local hospitals. He could still hear her sobs as she phoned all their family and friends, and his father’s work colleagues … the ones she could remember. No one knew anything. He sat with his mother at the table, holding her hand, as she kept up that routine for ten days until she realized that Reginald Fairfield wasn’t coming home and didn’t want to be found.

Then, twenty-eight years later, he picked up a message from Karen on his voicemail. “Dad called and wants to meet us,” was all she’d said. After some hedging, Ian agreed to the meet. He and Karen drove to Leaside Memorial Hospital in Melville, a city just fifty miles from Junction where they’d grown up. They were directed to the cancer ward. When Ian walked into Room 114, his body went rigid as his gaze latched onto the copper blue eyes of the frail man seated in the corner chair. A metallic taste swirled in his mouth and he could feel himself trembling.

“Thanks for coming,” Reginald Fairfield said and coughed.

“Do you know what she did?” Ian asked, his voice rising.

Karen touched her hand to Ian’s arm. “Ian —”

Ian jerked his arm away. “Do you know what our mother did when you didn’t come home?”

“Don’t do this,” Karen pleaded.

“She searched and prayed,” Ian said, tears banking in his eyes. “Then she gave up. She … was … broken. And one day, just like you, she went to work and never came back. The only difference was that she got on a bus to Niagara and jumped into the falls. They never found her body.”

“I’m sorry,” Reginald said in a whisper.

“Sorry…” Ian wiped the tears from his eyes. “Are you dying? Is that why you want to see us now?”

Reginald nodded. “I made mistakes and —”

“Just because you’re dying doesn’t mean you get a free pass,” Ian cut in.

“I know I hurt you when I left,” Reginald said soberly. “It was complicated and —”

Ian raised a hand in the air. “Stop. I’m not interested in your excuses. It doesn’t matter why you left. You abandoned us. You don’t know what it’s been like…” He bit down on his lip. “To me, you’ll always be a coward. And, God help me, but I hope you suffer.”

Karen gasped. “Ian!”

“You can’t talk to me like that,” Reginald said, raising his shaking hand in the air and pointing at Ian. “I’m still your father.”

“You’re not my father,” Ian said with control. “He’s been dead to me for twenty-eight years.” He spun around and walked out of the room.

The tightening grip on his arm drew Ian out of the past and back to the present. He shrugged off the questioning looks the two women threw at him. “What? The bastard walked out on us. Don’t expect me to be sad that he’s dead.”

“He was your father,” Geraldine said with emphasis.

“He was never a father to me.” Ian checked the time. “And you know what? I’m done.”

Ian stepped between Karen and his aunt, not looking at either of them, and strutted towards the exit. Why did I even bother? he wondered as he emerged outside, the rain finally beginning to taper off.

He came because he thought it would make a difference, offer some type of closure. But how could it? He knew his heart wasn’t open to forgiveness and wasn’t sure it ever would be.

Filed Under: Short Stories Tagged With: abandoned, amwriting, communication, contemporary, dysfunctional family, family, father and son, fiction, flashfiction, forgiveness, fridayfiction, love, relationships, reunion, separation, shortstory, understanding, writing

The App: Love’s Surprise

March 30, 2018 by Marcus Leave a Comment

Parker’s stomach flipped when he entered Balzac’s. Between the animated voices and the pounding, grinding and gurgling coming from behind the counter, he couldn’t hear himself think. He edged his way around the tables and people standing in line, his heart thumping in his chest as he scrutinized the crowd. No Blue Jays cap. Surprised? Not really. Yet he couldn’t get that familiar metallic taste out of his mouth. Should he have known better? Absolutely. But deep down, he still believed in love and, despite his past, that he deserved to be happy.

After one more sweep of the coffee shop, Parker retraced his footsteps towards the entrance. He kept his head down, like a man walking to the execution chamber and finally ready to admit his guilt. He couldn’t bear the shame of it. Why had he thought that Jay would be any different? “God, I’m an idiot!”

Nearing the entrance, Parker stepped aside as a group of burly young men barrelled inside. When he took a step forward, that was when a warm hand grabbed his wrist. He spun around. The Blue Jays cap! And below the bill were those ocean blue eyes that probed and sometimes terrified him. “You!”

“Parker —”

“I can’t believe you did this,” Parker said, his voice pitching high. He couldn’t stop the tears pooling in his eyes and, swallowing his shock, rushed outside. He walked quickly, almost running, along the dark sidewalk through the mist-like drizzle. He heard the patter of feet behind him and picked up his pace. But it was too late. The hand on his shoulder pressed down and brought him to a stop. He could not — would not — look into those eyes again.

“Give me a chance to explain,” Jacob Harding said in a whisper. When there was no response, he slid his hand down Parker’s arm and led him into the deserted Liberty Village Park. They stopped near the large Perpetual Motion sculpture, Jacob unable to catch Parker’s eye. “Please, Parker … look at me.”

Parker jerked his arm free. “I can’t,” he said, strained. “I don’t … know who … you are.”

“I’m your friend.”

“Friend?” Parker lifted his head, his eyes roaming the unshaved, rugged face before him. “Friends don’t —”

“Calm down, Parker,” Jacob cut in, raising his voice to match Parker’s. “Just let me —”

“Explain?” Parker took a step back when Jacob went to touch his arm. “You called yourself Jay. And don’t tell me to fucking calm down.”

Jacob removed his ball cap long enough to run his hand through his hair. “Jay’s a family nickname.”

Parker bristled. “The deception. The duplicity. The lies.”

“Fine, I lied,” Jacob spat. He bit down on his lip and adjusted his hat. “I just … I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“This is sick.” Parker’s voice cracked with disgust. “And mean.”

Jacob made another unsuccessful play for Parker’s arm. “I never meant to…”

“I don’t understand this.” Parker rubbed his eyes. “I mean, you score all the time with guys, jocks —”

“Big talk. I’m a flirt. I like the attention.” Jacob pursed his lips and rolled them. “I’m a one-man kind of guy. Silly or not, I believe that my soul mate’s out there.”

“And you think that’s me?” Parker swooned, and before he could gather up his strength, Jacob stepped forward and drew him close, so close he could smell the bacon Jacob had had for breakfast. “You could have any guy.”

“So you say.” Jacob tightened his hold, their waists and stomachs pressed firmly together. “I’d still like to have that coffee with you.”

Parker, his eyes narrowing, twisted out of the embrace. “Like a date?”

Jacob chuckled and readjusted his cap. “That’s kind of how it works. Dating, that is. Two people do something together so they can get to know each other.”

“I know what dating is.” Parker sucked his teeth. “But I don’t…”

Jacob went over and took Parker’s face in his hands. He hesitated just a moment, then drew Parker to him until their mouths met. Being there, like that, with their lips pressed together, said more than words ever could. They stayed like that for about thirty seconds, then he pulled out of the kiss and smiled. “Let’s talk over coffee.”

Parker backed away. “What? And let the world hear how much of a fool I am?”

“You’re not a fool.” Jacob tugged on the sleeve of Parker’s grey jacket. “Let’s go to my place. We’ll have privacy.”

“I’m not sure about that, either.”

Jacob rolled his eyes. “We’re just going to talk. I don’t sleep with a guy on the first date. Or we can go to your place.”

Parker shook his head. “Let’s just walk.”

They walked in silence, Parker catching Jacob’s sidelong glances but never letting their eyes meet. The shock lingered, and he wondered if this was some type of practical joke. It wasn’t funny, or maybe it was in a twisted, macabre way. Or maybe this was about his pride, now wounded and bleeding, because he hadn’t seen the signs. He never thought of himself as Jacob’s type. And a frantic search through his memories revealed that there had never been any awkward moments between them, moments that could have paved the way for a season of love. Like a hand accidentally brushing against an arse. Like seeing each other naked in the locker room when they worked out together. Like… Jesus! He tried to tell me at Octavo yesterday.

Waiting for the light to change at the King and Bathurst intersection, Jacob bumped into Parker. “You okay?”

Parker turned, his gaze levelled at those magnetic eyes, and opened his mouth to speak. No words came. He just didn’t know what to say. Then it happened — the sudden bulge in his pants that made him look away. Christ, what am I supposed to do?

The answer surprised him.

Delete the app.

Filed Under: Short Stories Tagged With: amwriting, communication, contemporary, dating, family, fiction, fictionfriday, flashfiction, gayfiction, lgbt, lgbtq, love, online dating, online dating apps, relationships, shortstory, understanding, writing

The App: Avoiding Temptation

March 16, 2018 by Marcus Leave a Comment

Don’t do it. Be strong. But Parker, seated at the corner table that provided cover, couldn’t stop himself. He picked up his phone and, liked he’d done not even two minutes ago, opened Cuddlr. No new messages. He chucked it back on the table and bit down on the inside of his mouth. God, I’m pathetic.

It was hard to resist an app like Cuddlr that packaged love into the essentials — height, weight, age, race, scene and position. Fields on a screen that didn’t say much about a guy’s personality or reveal, in a meaningful way, anything about him. And frighteningly addictive, the app had thrown him a lifeline. It gave him a way to connect to a world he felt stood against him. That was what had Parker hooked, had him always reaching for his phone. Now he was trying to pull back, moderate its use.

“Morning,” the alto voice boomed.

Parker looked up, stared into the probing ocean blue eyes that sometimes terrified him and smirked. “Jacob Harding in the flesh!”

“Ha-ha.” Jacob hung his blue military-style jacket on the back of the chair. “You didn’t think I’d show?”

“Thought you would’ve gone out partying and had company this morning.”

“I’m not a ho.”

Parker raised an eyebrow. “Debatable.”

Jacob flinched. Then, after a moment, they laughed.

“Latte?” Parker asked, rising slightly.

“I’ll get it.” Jacob headed for the counter.

Parker found himself, one more time, with his phone in his hand. This time he shut it down to ward off temptation. Then his gaze landed on Jacob’s round bubble butt that had him feeling the heat burn in his cheeks. He’d never done that before … check out his friend. Now I’m just desperate.

“So, this is your spot,” Jacob said, settling into his chair.

“Yes.” Parker picked up his mug. “The coffee’s good, and so is the food.” He’d been telling Jacob about Octavo since it opened eight months ago. The cosy café-diner on Front Street West was where he stopped for an Americano on the way to work.

Parker and Jacob, junior lawyers at a prominent Toronto firm, had both just graduated with a master’s degree in international criminal law. They’d met on the first day of articling, their cubicles side-by-side. That made for an easy, if not accidental, alliance. Neither one of them could remember when it happened, but discovering that the other was gay shored up their bond. Their friendship, five years on, was anchored, real and deep.

Jacob sipped his latte. “That’s good coffee.” Then he pointed at Parker’s phone. “Make any progress on the manhunt?”

Parker bristled. “It’s not a manhunt. I’m not like you. I’m not always on the prowl.”

“And that’s why you’re not getting laid.”

“Says who?”

“Really?” Jacob ran his hand through his dark hair. “That’s hard to imagine when you find something wrong with every guy who messages you. Who are you saving yourself for?”

“The guy who won’t give me Chlamydia or gonorrhea,” Parker said cheekily. “Besides, I’m not the type to fall in love with a headless torso.”

“Not even for an hour?” Jacob smiled.

There it was, in that grin, something that softened the harshness in Jacob’s rugged face. Maybe that was why Parker now found himself doing what most men and women did in Jacob’s presence. His eyes were glued to his friend’s ripped chest that seemed set to burst through the snug-fitting shirt. He has the GQ looks and style all the guys are after. He’s perfect. Absolutely perfect. The gurgling of the coffee machine made him look up. “You can certainly do better than that,” he said with an edge.

Jacob shrugged. “The app makes it easy when you’re horny, short on time and need a quick fix. I’m not talking about love or —”

“It’s just so…” Parker’s voice trailed off. Dirty. But he’s right. It’s the Quik Mart of sex, as if you can walk right into the store and grab sex off the shelf, whatever the fetish.

“This is how it’s done now.” Jacob drummed his fingers on the table. “So, if you’re getting laid, dish.”

“No,” Parker said firmly and reached for his mug. “You might be my best friend, but there are certain things about me you don’t need to know. And vice versa.”

“Oh, come on. I tell you everything.”

Parker choked on his coffee and coughed. “I know. Without me asking!”

They laughed. Parker only half-listened as Jacob talked about what had happened in the office while he was away. He was more concerned with why Jacob seemed so interested in knowing the details of his love life. It felt like the beginning of a deposition, but he didn’t know what Jacob hoped to discover or why. But he had no interest in turning their Cuddlr experiences into a competition. And, really, how was he supposed to compete with Jacob-the-heartthrob-Harding?

With their drinks done, they stood and put on their coats as they made for the exit.

“Have you changed your mind about tonight?” Jacob asked as they stood on the sidewalk. “The DJ’s from New York. He’s supposed to be amazing.”

“Every weekend you ask me to go to FLY,” Parker said askance. “Every weekend I say no. It’s not my scene. Why do you keep asking?”

“Because I think you might have fun if you’ll let yourself,” Jacob spat.

“I’m going to the Warhol exhibit,” Parker said.

“That’s this afternoon. You could go anytime. And the AGO…” Jacob sucked his teeth. “Now there’s a great place to meet men.”

“It could happen,” Parker said.

“And God could tap me for the next Immaculate Conception,” Jacob shot back.

“You’re no virgin.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

They stood in silence, their eyes roving the street. It was as if they were afraid that making eye contact would spark another confrontation. Why were they now on edge?

Parker found Jacob’s gaze and held it. “Have a good weekend. See you Monday.”

“Tuesday,” Jacob corrected. “I have a couple of medical appointments Monday. Taking the day off.”

“Is everything all right?” Parker asked.

“It’s just that time of year. Cleaning at the dentist. Annual physical and testing for Chlamydia … I’m kidding.” Jacob shook his head at Parker’s harsh glare. “You think I’m a cheap ho, but I’m not. I’m actually quite expensive.” It didn’t take long for Parker to crack a smile. That was when Jacob stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him. The hug was brief, Jacob tightening his hold just before letting go. “See you soon.”

Parker staggered when Jacob released him. He didn’t know what to say and watched his friend move off, disappearing a short time later around the corner. What the fuck was that? The only time Jacob had ever hugged him was at his mother’s funeral, and that felt strange. But this was different, almost … intimate. He shrugged it off and made his way towards his condo building on the lakeshore. He whipped out his phone and waited for it to power on. The first thing he did was open Cuddlr.

“You have 1 new message!”

His heart raced as he tapped View Message. The excitement didn’t last long.

Christ, not him again!

Filed Under: Short Stories Tagged With: amwriting, communication, contemporary, dating, family, fiction, fictionfriday, flashfiction, gayfiction, lgbt, lgbtq, love, online dating, online dating apps, relationships, shortstory, understanding, writing

The App

March 9, 2018 by Marcus Leave a Comment

“You have 1 new message!” flashed on the screen.

Parker Wright, his eyes locked on the words, went rigid. He didn’t want to do it, didn’t want to open it. Yet even as his index finger hovered over the Delete button, he couldn’t stop himself. He tapped on View Message.

Hi, Sexy.

Parker hit the Profile icon, groaning as he read the description. White. Toned. Single. “Like that narrows it down,” he grunted, scrolling back to the photo of the CN Tower. And that didn’t impress as much as it made him suspicious. It wasn’t 1950, so why couldn’t he show his face? Was he hiding … from his wife? Parker had no interest in married men or learning about the guy’s intentions. He was done and deleted the message.

Despite being a late convert to apps like Cuddlr, Parker accepted and appreciated the ‘unspoken’ rules. Especially the golden rule: No face pic, no chat. And profile photos of headless torsos and cityscapes made it hard for him to believe that true love was only a tap away. He wasn’t car shopping, wasn’t trying to build and price it online. But there were similarities. He could choose the make and model, new or used, and select the finishes. Unlike most guys, he wasn’t paying that close attention to ‘legroom.’

Ding.

He groaned. Another new message. He knew he should delete it, but his curiosity got the better of him.

No face pic, no chat, right?

Seated on the brown leather sofa, Parker tucked his legs under his body. He set the phone on his thigh, then ran his hand over his face. ‘No face pic, no chat’ was a line of defense against the online trolls. The ones he couldn’t seem to avoid since joining Cuddlr two weeks ago. The faceless chatters who asked him the all-important questions: ‘Looking?’ or ‘Into?’ or ‘Hung?’ They were never the first to volunteer their own stats or what they were looking for. There were others, with completely blank profiles, who claimed to be ‘around’ his age. He tried to be civil and not block them outright, but it wasn’t easy. Not when they finally sent a photo that proved they were old enough to be his father. Parker didn’t want a ‘daddy.’ He already had one useless father in his life, and he wasn’t looking to be kept.

Still there?

Parker stared blankly at his phone. What was he trying to prove by not answering? That he could serve up the ruthlessness online dating sometimes required. Then he caught himself thinking about his mother and holding her frail hand in his. Her sunken eyes were fixed on him and, in between her shallow breaths, she’d said to him, “Guard your character and your manners.” What would she think if she saw him now? The answer made him nauseous: Disappointed.

Parker picked up his phone and typed his message. Hi. How are you?

Nothing.

The silence didn’t surprise him. Experience had shown that most guys wanted instantaneity. And protocol demanded a quick exchange of stats and other photos. After that, if there was interest, the next step was to meet — soon, ergo now — to see what could happen. Sexually. No time-wasters allowed. Parker wasn’t in any rush. He’d rushed three years ago, moving in with a guy after only dating for four months. They’d been living together two months when his boyfriend announced he was leaving. No explanation. No hint of another man. No hint of being unhappy. That left Parker broken and determined to lead a solitary life. Like a proud gay male spinster. But he was a man … with needs. His membership on Cuddlr was a test to see if he could, one more time, open himself up to love. He yawned and checked the time. 11:36 p.m. Just then another ding.

Hey, sorry. Phone call. I’m well, thanks. You?

Parker typed quickly. Good to hear. I’m fine, thanks.

Not going out tonight?

No, Parker sent back. Quiet night at home. You?

Resting up. Will party hard tomorrow.

Parker cringed. He wasn’t interested, either, in guys who lived for the bar scene. Cool. I’ll let you rest. Night.

Not inter—

Parker powered off his phone and got ready for bed. He lay in the darkness, his frustration simmering and set to boil over. What was he doing on the app? Was he really open to love? Or had he already convinced himself that he was meant for a solitary life? He didn’t want to believe that, but it was Friday night and he was alone. Like always. He rolled onto his side and curled into the foetal position. He felt like a man with few connections in the world, without direction, without a real sense of purpose. He was unsure of where he was going and no memory of being happy. What was wrong with him? Since the end of his last relationship, he’d built up walls — fortified and impenetrable — around him. It was the only way not to be disappointed, to not let himself be hurt again.

He closed his eyes, almost instantly transported him to a dream world where he wasn’t alone and where love had the power to make him sing … until he woke up.

Filed Under: Short Stories Tagged With: amwriting, communication, contemporary, dating, family, fiction, fictionfriday, flashfiction, gayfiction, lgbt, lgbtq, love, online dating, online dating apps, relationships, shortstory, understanding, writing

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