Marcus Lopés

LGTBQIA2S+ Author, Blogger, Runner

writers

Easy Does It

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I have a driver’s licence, but it’s been over five years since I’ve sat behind the driver’s wheel and navigated a car through the streets. There’s no need for it. Living in downtown Toronto, everything I need — grocery stores, banks, the public library, restaurants — is within walking distance. And choosing to get around the city on foot keeps me active as part of a healthy lifestyle. It also reminds me that sometimes, charging through life, the best approach is easy does it.

Easy does it, though, was hard advice to swallow when I finally learned to drive a standard. The jerky movements, the black smoke that one time billowed out from underneath the hood, the embarrassment of not being able to get it right.

One morning especially. I just couldn’t get the coordination right and, struggling to shift gears, the car got stuck in reverse. After a few unsuccessful attempts — and feeling like a failure — I called a friend for help.

Don’t Give Up

There will be days when we feel like we’re stuck in reverse as we pursue our creative dreams. (I’m in one of those periods now, trying to figure out the next right thing to do without driving myself crazy.) No forward momentum. No obvious signs of success. And no third-party validations.

So, easy does it becomes my mantra and I stay focused on the why in what I’m doing. I write every day because writing is what sustains me. But I don’t worry about how well my last book, Everything He Thought He Knew, ranks on Amazon or if it will become a bestseller. I write, taking Steven Pressfield’s advice to heart: “I cannot permit my professional or personal self-conception to be dependent on external acceptance or approval, at least not of the ‘mainstream recognition’ variety.”

Yes, easy does it.

We’re on a journey and, one step at a time, we’ll get to our final destination. Don’t necessarily expect an easy ride. Just be ready — and committed — for the long haul.

Are you feeling stuck? What’s the one thing you can do right now to move forward? Do that one thing now, then click Reply, or leave a comment in the section below, to tell the world all about it.

Passenger vs. Driver: Are You Driving Your Creative Journey?

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If you’re anything like me, you might not be driving your creative journey the way you think.

Autumn, with its chilly temperatures and shorter hours of daylight, is settling in. I feel like I don’t have the same spring in my step, that sometimes I need a little more of a nudge to get me to my desk and write. The changing of the seasons, and what often feels like a sprint towards winter, is a time when I often find myself thinking about my life — where I’ve been, where I am, where I hope to be. And with the release earlier this month of my last novel, Everything He Thought He Knew, I’ve been asking myself this: Am I a passenger or the driver on my creative journey?

The Beginning

My first contact with the arts came through music. I started piano lessons when I was six, and it wasn’t long before I was performing in church and in the spotlight. I was a timid, even awkward, young boy who didn’t want the attention. Despite my love of the piano, I turned away from music in my twenties. Looking back, it was a way of affirming who I was. Maybe my parents saw it as an ‘act of rebellion,’ but I had other ideas about my life.

I didn’t want to be a church organist, and by then I’d lost any interest in a professional music career. Perhaps, too, I was scared that I didn’t have the necessary talent to succeed in the music industry. Or that I had bought into the belief that a life in music, and the arts in general, was a dead end that would only lead to alcoholism and drug addictions. Did I really want to end up like that? My mother prayed that I wouldn’t!

I went off to university, crisscrossing the country and the Atlantic Ocean, trying to figure out what exactly it was that I wanted to do with my life. By the time I finished my undergraduate degree in French literature in 1997, I wanted to be a writer. I began writing daily, filling notebook after notebook with stories, poems and tangents about the world I never dared to share. Eventually, some of my short stories, poems and essays were published. And then, after a lot of hard work and weathering the flood of rejection letters, my first novel was published. Writing began to bear fruit. Or so I thought.

The Struggle Within

As I pursued my writing — and certain that I was doing what I love — something was missing. I couldn’t pinpoint what that something missing was. Writing prompted me to pick up a paintbrush after a long time away from the easel. Still, despite expressing my creativity through words and painting, something still felt off.

When I moved to Ottawa in 1999, it was the first time in my life that I didn’t have regular access to a piano. The only time my fingers touched the keys was when I returned to Halifax to visit family, which wasn’t that often. There it was, the something missing from my life. Music. Despite having ‘turned my back’ on it, music kept calling to me.

When Providence Moved

A week after I’d started a new job in 2004, one of my colleagues mentioned that the person whose position I had taken was looking to sell her baby grand piano to make room for the incoming grand. Without batting an eyelash, I bought the piano. I was making music again.

From 2005 to 2013, I bounced creatively between music, painting and writing. Some days I ended up completely lost in my writing, and that was all that I could do. Other creative projects ground to a halt. There were also days when I spent the early morning writing, then a few hours in my painting studio after lunch, and then sit down at the piano not just to practice but to compose. And the music rained down on me in torrents, and I struggled to take it all down — to let ‘God’ or the ‘Universe’ work through me in a new way.

The Revelation

There have been many twists and turns along my creative journey, and I realized that I had been a passenger more than the driver. At that time, I didn’t mind being the passenger because the adventure was, in part, not knowing where I’d end up.

But I realized that as I explored the different facets of my creativity, I wasn’t moving forward, wasn’t making progress. The thrill for me, what got my mojo working, was creating all these different projects (through music, words or painting), and then just putting them out in the world and walking away from them. I’d sit back and hope the world would take notice. No wonder I was always disappointed.

Since 2013, I’ve been focused singly on my writing. And recently I realized that I’ve still been a passenger, hoping the winds of chance would blow in my favour. Not the best approach. Far from it.

Do the Work

If I’m serious about achieving my writing goals, I need to move out of the passenger seat and into the driver’s seat. Sitting down and doing the necessary work is a big part of that. It’s not just about writing. As an indie author today, it’s also about tackling the aspects of the writing life that don’t come naturally to me, like marketing and social media engagement.

The biggest challenge is having the right mindset: Acting like a successful writer. I’m still battling my inner critic. Still doubting my talent some days. Still battling Resistance.

To live the life I imagined, I can’t sit back and wish, hope, or cross my fingers that what I want will magically manifest. I’ll keep writing, publishing, reading and honing my skills. I may fail, but I’ll keep it in perspective.

I am determined. Determined to drive my creative journey.

It’s time to do the work.

Where are you on your creative journey? Do you see yourself as a passenger or the driver? Hit Reply or let me know in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.

Do What You Love

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If there is one thing in this life that we must do, it is this: Do What You Love!

Do What You Love is not just a trite adage. When used as a powerful guiding principle, it can transform your life. I know.

The Backstory

I spent a good chunk of my adult life running away from what I love, from who I am. I did what I was ‘supposed’ to do. I went to university, earned a degree and then found a job. I didn’t exactly work in my field of study, which was French Literature. But living in Ottawa, the nation’s capital, being bilingual made the search for decent work easier.

I worked in what was, for me, the grizzly world of nine to five. Policy Analyst. Executive Assistant. Proofreader. Program Coordinator. Project Administrator (Consultant). No matter how fancy the title or good the pay, boredom quickly set in. I never adjusted well (and I don’t think I have yet) to doing the same tasks over and over again, in a tiny cubicle, with the same people. It didn’t inspire.

Maybe, too, I didn’t subscribe to the idea of the Canadian dream — owning a nice house, having lots of money, fame and recognition. I believed, and still do, that we should hard work, be determined and live a happy and fulfilled life. So, whenever the nine-to-five world became too ‘restrictive,’ I saw a simple cure: Change jobs. I did. Frequently. But it was never long before the excitement of the new job and work environment waned. Then I’d reach the point of loathing the work and taking regular ‘mental health’ days.

Diagnosing the Problem

A story of love, loss and obsession that will leave you wondering if there’s such a thing as second chances. Available on Amazon.

The problem was simple. When it came to Do What You Love, I was failing miserably. Well, I was and I wasn’t.

I’m a writer. It’s what drives me, gives me a reason to get out of bed. I’m always excited to begin each day by setting pen to the page as I write my Morning Pages. I really can’t remember a time when I wasn’t writing. But for a long time, I let myself be shamed out of writing. People — family, friends, colleagues — told me I’d never make it as a writer. That all artists were drug and/or alcohol addicts. Have it as a hobby on the side. Get a real job.

When I kept writing on the side and got a ‘real job,’ I was mis-er-able. Looking back at the three most difficult times in my life — when I was actually clinically depressed and on medication — I was barely writing. I was doubting my work, doubting my talent, doubting my dreams. I’d lost sight of what mattered … and that had to change.

The Transformation

In 2003, I stopped being ashamed of my writing dreams. I started to submit my work, and it was published. I made time for writing — before my soporific day job, during my lunch hour and before bed. Jobs came and went, but my writing held steady. That was when I noticed the shift. Making my writing a priority, I wasn’t miserable. The good days were like being on the open water when it’s smooth sailing, the winds are calm, and your destination is clearly in your sights. And on the bad days — when the tempest roared, and it felt like I had to fight for my very survival — writing took the pain away.

I still have a day job, but it’s not nine to five. Do I love what I do as much as writing? Absolutely not. But I’ve found a way to ‘love’ it because it lets me do what I love. Write. If I’d been in any other job over the past five and a half years, it would have taken a lot longer to have my books published.

Do What You Love + Courage = Hope

Maybe you want to be the mayor of your city, found a non-profit that focuses on creativity for adolescents with mental health issues, open your own B&B… Whatever your dream, doing it takes courage. Taking that first step in the direction of your dream — despite the odds or what others say — gives you hope. Hope for today. Hope for tomorrow. Hope for the life you’ve always dreamed of living.

Let’s make the choice to walk through life with our eyes wide open, with our hearts tuned to what makes them tick.

Are you doing what you love? Click Reply and let me know. I’d love to hear from you!

The Art of Keeping On

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The road is often long, filled with sharp, unexpected turns that almost send us tumbling. Some days we struggle to climb the mountain and its treacherous terrain. Other days we soar, feeling like nothing and no one can stop us — that anything and everything is possible. I like those days the best! Yet no matter what we face, no matter how daunting it may seem … we, as artists, keep on keeping on.

It’s an exciting time for me. I’m getting close to publishing my next novel, Everything He Thought He Knew. I now have an amazing cover (sneak peek to the right) thanks to Lieu Pham at Covertopia. The proof of the print edition arrived yesterday, and it looks great. The eBook edition is being formatted. It’s all coming together. Finally.

When it comes to Everything He Thought He Knew, the road has definitely been long, hard and, at times, seemingly impossible. It’s not just, as it started out to be, a ‘revised edition’ of Freestyle Love (published in 2011 by Lazy Day Publishing). It turned out to be a top-to-bottom rewrite of the story, with the central premise still intact. I had done a substantial rewrite of the original manuscript (Freestyle Love) before having it edited by thEditors. I thought, in hindsight naively, that I had nailed it. Until I received the manuscript back from my editor.

It wasn’t that it was a bad story or that the writing was mediocre. My editor did what he does best: he pointed out the problems with the character and plot development, story arc, structure, continuity, et. al. And he wasn’t wrong. And that sent me spinning and back to the drawing board. I got to work and hunkered down. What I thought would be a rather smooth and fast rewriting process took a lot longer than I had imagined. (According to my Master Projects List, I started working on this book 21 February 2017.) For a time, that had me down — wondering if I could actually get through the rewrite and publish the book.

What’s the Point?

I wanted to learn from my earlier mistakes and get this book ‘right,’ make it better than the first. So, I sent the manuscript back for another round of editing, which meant another round of revisions (but much less than the first go-round). Some days it was hard to see the progress I was making. That had me feeling down again. As much as I try not to compare myself with others, I sometimes feel frustrated watching other writers put out two or three books a year. I wonder what I’m doing ‘wrong,’ why I feel like I’m always lagging behind. Then that has me asking myself, “What’s the point?”

But the point is that — despite the challenges, the disappointments, the days I feel like I’ve lost my footing — I still show up to write. I resign from competition. I keep the end goal in sight and press on. That is, to me, the art of keeping on: with persistence and courage, doing the thing we are called to do and, every day, heeding that call.

What goal(s) are you trying to achieve? Are you determined to keep on keeping on? Let me know in the comments section below.

Letting Go of Perfection

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Earlier this month, I celebrated my 45th birthday. No fanfare. No outlandish party. No extravagant presents. Just a quiet day that started like most with a run, and then time writing and editing. It ended like most days, too, with a home-cooked meal and a relaxing evening at home. Perfection!

As perfect as it was, it got me thinking … am I too much of a perfectionist? The expectations I’ve set for myself — in almost everything I do — are high. Unbelievably so. And when I fail … Lord, have mercy, you don’t want to be in my sights. Because I’m angry at myself for missing the mark, and that doesn’t make me nice to be around.

Is Imperfection All the Rage?

For some reason, I’ve come across lately a lot of writing on the idea of giving yourself over to imperfection. (Is that life speaking to me and am I willing to listen?) The concept is simple: that being imperfect can help you achieve your goals more than being perfect. James Clear explores this idea in his article, “Why Trying to Be Perfect Won’t Help You Achieve Your Goals (And What Will),” as does Ray Dalio in his book, Principles.

Letting go of my need to be perfect all the time sounds great in theory. Translating it into action is something else altogether. I get the point so many are trying to make. When we show up to practice our craft, the repetition of the habit will help us to hone our skills, learn from our mistakes and become better at what we do. That’s why I write every day. But sometimes we spend so much time trying to perfect one thing that we ‘stall.’ We really don’t move forward. As a writer, I don’t want to spend my life trying to write one perfect book when I could, hopefully, write many. And then my goal would be to make each book better than the one that came before it.

Here’s where I struggle with being imperfect. As a self-published writer, the idea of imperfection doesn’t sit well with me. I’m not naïve. My writing won’t appeal to everyone. And as artists, no matter how good we think something we created is, haters are still gonna hate. But in an already crowded and competitive field, my books are my brand. If I want to build an audience and a solid fan base, I know my books need to be ‘perfect.’ That’s why I’ve learned the importance of hiring a professional editor, proofreader, book cover designer, and formatter. Who wants to read something that comes across as a first draft that’s riddled with spelling and grammatical errors? Or where there are problems with character and plot development, continuity or story arc? So, as an indie author I do — unapologetically — aim for perfection.

Saturday morning run (21k). On track to achieve my goal of running 200k in August. 24k to go!

But in other areas of my life, I am trying to let go of my need for perfection. Like running. There are days when I can run 10k at a pace of 5:02 per kilometre. Other days, it feels like a struggle and my pace, at 5:28 per kilometre, isn’t anything to brag about. I remind myself that it’s not a competition, which isn’t always easy when other runners speed past me on the trail. But I’ve shown up again, remaining committed to living a healthy and active life. In my interactions with my work colleagues, I’m relearning not to expect from others what I expect from myself. It’s not fair. I remind myself of the old saying I heard so often during my youth: “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”

Lesson Learned

The biggest lesson that’s come out of this idea of not being perfect is this: I’ve accepted that it’s okay for me to not be able to do everything I set out to do well. There are areas in my life when I excel (strengths) and others where I don’t (weaknesses). I’ve learned — and am still learning — that it’s okay to ask for help. Asking for help doesn’t mean I’m weak. It means that there are people who have the skills to do well the things I’m not so good at. Why not ask for their help? No doubt, I’ll save myself a lot of time and frustration.

Letting go of perfection is a struggle because it means recognizing my limits, which can be extremely uncomfortable. It’s a journey that I’m taking day by day. It’s also about accepting who I am, as I am, imperfections and all.

As we navigate through life, doing what we love or are called to do, the most important thing we can do is be ourselves. And, to me, that looks like perfect imperfection.

Are you a perfectionist? Or are you striving for imperfection? Do you believe being imperfect could help you achieve your goals? Let me know in the comments section below.