Marcus Lopés

LGTBQIA2S+ Author, Blogger, Runner

writers

Standing on the Edge

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Do you know what you want out of life?

If the answer is yes, do you know what you need to do to achieve it?

I know I want to be a writer. Wait a minute … I am a writer. I want to be a successful writer, the kind who makes a living from it. Maybe that means trying to become a New York Times or Globe and Mail bestselling author. Maybe that means going on a book tour. Maybe that means giving up my day job so I can throw all my energy into realizing my dream.

Maybe it means none of that.

Because I’m in crisis. I’ve been in crisis mode since the beginning of the year. I’m stuck in a ‘funk’ that, despite what I thought, I haven’t been able to pull myself out of completely. I keep asking myself: “What am I doing?” and “What’s wrong?” and “What is it that doesn’t feel right?”

At Issue

Earlier this week I was in London, a city that has been like my home away from home since January. During my stay, I made a stop a Daunt Books on Marylebone High Street. While I was there, I picked up a book that had been recently recommended to me: Ray Dalio’s Principles. Afterwards, I stopped for a latte and scone at a café a few blocks away. It was a beautiful day, about 29°C, and the sun was shining. People were milling about the streets, weaving in and out of the shops. As I sipped my latte, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.

I had a little time before meeting friends for dinner so, soaking up the bright afternoon sun, I opened the book and started reading. By the third page of the “Introduction,” my heart was in my throat. Reading Dalio’s first principle, I finally understood what was wrong … why I haven’t been able to lift myself out of that funk. Dalio’s first principle is this: “Think for yourself to decide 1) what you want, 2) what is true, and 3) what you should do to achieve #1 in light of #2 … and do that with humility and open-mindedness so that you can consider the best thinking available to you.” [note]Ray Dalio, Principles, Simon & Schuster, 2017, p. X.[/note]

Like I mentioned above, I know what I want: to be a successful writer. But what I need to do is have a frank conversation with myself — acknowledging my weaknesses and my strengths — about what that success looks like. Or maybe the better question for me to ask is what level of success am I looking for and can I live with it?

What is true… I know why I write (to make an impact in the world, no matter how small) and that writing is the only thing in life that gives me purpose and a sense of fulfillment. It is a way for me to be of service.

Where I struggle is in what I should be doing to achieve what I want in light of what is, for me, true. That is why this year has felt like I’m just spinning and going nowhere fast. When I’m honest with myself, I’m still letting fear — of failure and what others may think of me — hold me back. To achieve what I want, I need to do things in ways that I believe are best for me and not worry about what other people think. No doubt, that’s easier said than done.

Moving Forward

2018 started out with some big changes in my life. I stopped drinking. I started paying closer attention to what I was eating, aiming to reduce my sugar and sodium intake. While I’ve been running for ten years, I’ve been pushing myself to run longer distances and started working out. These were the changes I implemented to primarily increase my energy level and improve the quality of my sleep. And the best part of all was that I also managed to drop close to twenty pounds. It wasn’t easy, but the results have made it all worthwhile.

Now, to achieve what I want to do I know I need to make other changes. I have my “5 Rules to Live By” to guide me through this transition period, but I know they’re not enough on their own. They’re a starting point. What exactly do I need to change? Honestly, I’m not sure. But I’m going to take some time to dig deep and think about the principles that will help me to get out of life exactly what I want. One thing is certain: I’m terrified. I don’t know where it’s all going to lead, how uncomfortable it’s going to get, or if I’ll even succeed.

But to succeed, I must change my habits and stay focused on what’s really important to me. As my journey moves forward, I expect to make mistakes along the way. At this point in my life, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I’ve been standing on the edge too long. It’s time to step off the edge and look fear in the face.

Are you doing what you should to achieve what you want? Do you have any principles that help you navigate through life? Let me know in the comments section below.

It’s a Crazy World

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It’s a crazy world out there, and some days I struggle to make sense of it all. And the advent of social media hasn’t helped, either. Sometimes it’s hard not to think that Facebook, Twitter, SnapChat, Instagram et. al. have made living a lot more complicated. Or maybe more challenging. Or something altogether different.

Unfathomable. Bewildering. Messy.

The past few months have been all those things and more. From the much-anticipated return of Rosanne to its shocking demise to an unexpected spin-off, The Connors … without the ‘star.’ The tragic deaths of Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain and Jackson Odell. In Ontario, the election of Doug Ford and the PC Party earlier this month — and the unquestionable futility of the first-past-the-post system. And everything about the Kardashians.

But from all these things comes a lesson: write your story … the way you want it told.

I’ve been writing my story for almost forty-five years. Sometimes it’s felt like a soap opera with dramatic plot twists, tears, secrets, lies and betrayal. Friends have come and gone from my life, although I’m extremely grateful for those who’ve remained over the years despite the distances that separate us. There’s been great love and heartbreak, joy and tragedy. There have been detours, backtracking and times when I’ve ‘disappeared.’ It hasn’t always been easy, but when you’re doing your best to live the life you want, there’s never a dull moment.

Dreams Give Life

In this crazy world — as we move along this great journey called life — we cannot be afraid to dream. Dreams give us hope for a better tomorrow. Dreams allow us to see our potential and who we can become. Dreams make us feel alive.

Dreams give us our voice, and it is up to us to decide how we want that voice to be heard. When I sit down to write every day, I’m telling the world, “I’m a writer, hear me roar!” When you touch your paintbrush to the canvas, you’re telling the world, “I’m an artist, hear me roar!” When you show up at the local mission to help those who are less fortunate, you’re telling the world, “I’m being of service, hear me roar!” It’s in these moments — through our actions — that we’re writing our story … the way we want it told.

We’re not letting anyone else speak for us. We’re not allowing someone else’s expectations dictate how we should act or who we should become. At the moment we commit to making our dreams come true, and with each daily action, we have taken a stand. We are awakened. We are cutting through all the noise and living the life we’ve imagined.

Yes, that’s the moment when — in this crazy world — we’re telling our story the way we want it told.

Are you telling your story the way you want it told? Let me know in the comments section below.

Doing It My Way

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“When we focus on what matters, we can build the lives we want, with the time we’ve got.”

– Lauren Vanderkam

I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with social media. I love that Twitter, more than Facebook, allows me to connect with readers and other writers. I love that I can ask a question and so many people are willing to share their knowledge and experiences. I love that, as an introvert, I feel like I’m a part of a community.

I’m less enthralled with social media when the trolls come out. The people who nitpick everything you do because everything they do is perfect. As soon as you make a mistake they come gunning for you. And it’s not that we’re not open to feedback, but they just lack the class and savoir-faire to communicate it well.

The Power of Social Media

Despite Facebook’s recent data scandal (and Mark Zuckerberg’s upcoming testify before the U.S. Congress), or Kylie Jenner and Rihanna distancing themselves from Snapchat, people don’t appear to be abandoning these networks in droves. Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, YouTube, Pinterest, Medium — they’ve become, for better or for worse, an integral part of how we communicate with each other.

As a writer, social media is a huge part of my author platform. Working to build my brand, I’m told over and over again that my success will depend on my engagement, or lack thereof, with social media — especially if I want to make a living from writing alone. (I’d love, LOVE, to quit my day job and write full-time.) That’s why I subscribe to so many blogs and mailing lists: The Creative Penn, Tom Morkes, Smart Author Labs, Book Marketing Tools, Books Go Social, and others. I’m interested in staying current with industry news, knowing the trends and honing my skills. And when it comes to success, the recurrent theme I keep hearing is this:

It’s Not Enough to Write a Good Book Anymore

To be a ‘successful’ author, one of the things we’re told we must do is write a blog, posting content regularly. I’ve had a couple of different blogs on and off since 2013, but it wasn’t until early last year that I started enjoying blogging. What changed? I no longer felt pressured to do it. I didn’t feel like it was a writer’s obligation anymore. I could do it, on my own terms, to stay connected to a wider writing community. Any other things writers should do? Plenty! Build your mailing list (valid point, and I’m building mine slowly). Perhaps start a podcast. Post frequently on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Offer a course or webinar. Send out a newsletter.

Are you exhausted yet? I am!

The introvert in me balked at most of those things. All my life, I’ve never been great at selling anything. So, when it comes to self-promotion there’s even greater resistance. Maybe that means that my road to becoming a successful author — however you define it — is going to take a little longer. As I grow older (and wiser?), I’m becoming okay with that. I get it. People like Joanna Penn (the Creative Penn), Mark Dawson (Self-Publishing Formula) and Chandler Bolt (Self-Publishing School) are living the dream because they’re doing all the ‘right’ things.

I’m an author who’s published two books — one that was traditionally published and a big flop, another that I self-published in February 2017 and that people are still buying. I work full-time, travelling the world (although lately, London, UK, feels like my second home). On my days off, I’m juggling writing, running and my responsibilities at home. You can relate, right? So, every time I read from an ‘expert’ that if I want to succeed as I writer, I should consider launching a podcast or offering a webinar, I’m frustrated. I can’t imagine fitting that in when it already doesn’t feel like there are enough hours in a day to get everything done. But the bigger question I keep asking myself this: When the [insert expletive] am I supposed to write?

Here’s the thing…

Over the past few months, I’ve struggled to get in my creative time. Not because of writer’s block (that’s never been an issue for me) or jet lag, but because I’ve been chasing someone else’s dreams or idea of what the successful author life looks like. There’s something frightfully addictive about social media — Twitter and Facebook (the two I use) — that has me constantly reaching for my phone. Have you noticed how some people get offended if you don’t instantly respond to them retweeting your tweet or liking your Facebook post? And you feel like you’re missing something if you don’t have your social media apps open and aren’t paying attention to them. No more!

Challenging Myself to Do and Be Better

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been trying to live with intention. And I really like how Oprah Winfrey phrases it: “The number one principle that rules my life is intention. Thought by thought, choice by choice, we are cocreating our lives based on the energy of our intention.”[note]Oprah Winfrey, The Wisdom of Sundays, Flatiron Books, 2017, p. 44[/note] That has meant a number of different things for me. I stopped drinking (80 days strong and counting). I’m running more, improving my pace and putting in longer distances; and exercising regularly with the Nike Training app. I love food and prefer to prepare as much as possible from scratch. Over the past few months, I’ve really been paying attention to what I eat and now I scrutinize every label. Do you know how many grams of sugar there are in a 341 ml can of Minute Maid cranberry juice? 43 grams! I gave up caffeine in October 2016, but sometimes I treat myself to a regular latte — usually when I’m touring around London and have been up all night. Yes, this is me trying to live with intention.

But the most recent and dramatic change has been my introduction to the Freedom app.

A couple of years ago I discovered StayFocusd — a Google Chrome extension that limits the amount of time spent on time-wasting websites. When I was trying to finish a rewrite or complete a first draft, I’d limit how much time I could spend on sites like Twitter, Facebook or CNN before they’d be blocked. And StayFocusd has a nuclear option that blocks the entire internet on my laptop for as long as I like.

For my iPhone, I use Freedom (after five free sessions, you must buy a subscription). For the period set, all the apps on my phone are unusable. I can’t check e-mail, do banking, post on Facebook or Twitter. Nada. (Now, I’m learning to plan my day strategically so that if I need to go to Loblaws, my PC Optimum app will be functional.) But together, StayFocusd and Freedom are a powerful duo that allows me to sustain my focus and increase my productivity. More than that, I feel like I’m no longer spending time on things that distract me from my true passion.

After receiving my manuscript from my editor back in February, it felt like the corrections were taking forever. Until I found Freedom. Now, I’m sailing through them. Before Freedom, it felt like I was rushing to get out my weekly Twitter Fiction and Fiction Friday series, and scrambling to write a blog post. Not anymore. Freedom and StayFocusd are helping me to reclaim my life and my time so that I can live the life I’ve imagined.

Live the Life You Want with the Time You’ve Got

All this to say … we all have our own idea of success. Now, I’m learning not to do the things that aren’t true to who I am. I use Twitter. I love scheduling some tweets in advance, and I truly appreciate the support and encouragement I receive from that community. But I’ve decided, going forward, to scale back my presence to two days a week. Perhaps that seems a bit extreme, but I know how addictive Twitter is for me. So, Wednesday and Friday will be the days when I’ll respond to mentions, retweets and likes. Steven Pressfield, in his book Turning Pro, writes: “The amateur tweets. The pro works.”[note]Steven Pressfield, Turning Pro, Black Irish Entertainment LLC, 2012[/note] That hit me like a ton of bricks and really got me thinking about how I spend my time. And I’m no longer checking Direct Messages. I already have two e-mail accounts — one personal, one for my writing — that I struggle to manage daily. I know Direct Messages are convenient, but they feel highly impersonal and are annoying.

Admittedly, Facebook is trickier. Or there’s an illusion of it being trickier to manage. I’m talking about the Facebook Page app (I don’t use the regular Facebook app) because when I open it, this is what I’m immediately drawn to:

85% response rate. Respond faster to turn on the badge

Reach people nearby for $___

Number of likes

Facebook is constantly in your face to up your engagement. And whenever I see that I’ve lost a like or my reach is down, I wonder if it’s because I’m not engaging enough or that I’m not posting the right content. Then I end up asking myself: What more can I do? And that’s the moment I feel like Facebook has won. But, still, I’m trying to pull back because, at the end of the day, I don’t feel like I’m being true to who I am.

Some of you may remember the TV show Laverne & Shirley, starring Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams. There’s a great line from the opening theme song: “We’re gonna make our dreams come true / Doin’ it our way.”

Yes, I’ve got a dream and, with the time I’ve got, I’m doing it my way.

What’s your idea of success? Do you have a strategy for your use of social media? Are you where you want to be on your creative/life journey? Let me know in the comments section below.

Living in a State of Grace

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Beginning a new habit is, perhaps, one of the most difficult things to do. It’s easy to give up on it in the first few days or weeks. Missing one or two days in a row has the power to challenge our commitment to it. We say, “I’ll try again tomorrow,” but we never do.

When I realized I wanted to be a writer, I knew I had to write every day — no matter where I was, no matter what was happening in my life. And now, for almost twenty-five years, writing every day has kept me grounded. Especially on the days when it feels like my world is being turned upside-down and inside out.

Back in 2013, shortly after I moved to Toronto, I read Rhonda Byrne’s The Magic. If you’ve read this book, you know that Byrne believes “the magic of gratitude will change your entire life.”[note]The Magic by Rhonda Byrne, Atria Books, p. 15.[/note] And the first lesson is, “Count Your Blessings.” Byrne asks us to, as early in the day as possible, write down ten blessings for which we are grateful.

I’ve been writing my Morning Pages faithfully since 1995. It’s the first thing I do in the morning. And after reading The Magic, writing a gratitude list — counting my blessings — became part of my Morning Pages ritual.

Every day I begin counting my blessings this way: I am grateful to God (the Universe, that force higher than me … whatever you want to call it) for waking me up this morning and starting me on my way. That acknowledgement of my gratitude for having another day to enjoy the beauty that is this world has transformative power. It reminds me to stay focused on the present, to let go of anything negative that came before that moment. And when I stay present — and let go of all that is beyond me and my control — I am free. Free from the negativity trying to pull me down. Free from the naysayers who believe I’ll never succeed. Free from everybody else’s version of who I should be.

It is then that I’m living in a state of grace.

Honour Who You Are

Let me be clear. When I talk about living in a state of grace, I don’t mean it in the religious sense. I don’t think about it as being free from mortal sin. Living in a state of grace is about honouring who you are, not who others think or wish you to be. You, the abstract painter. You, the master chef. You, the fifth-grade teacher. You have unearthed the thing that has long poked at your heart, called you into service … and you’ve heeded the call.

It took me a long time to embrace the writer in me. That’s because growing up my parents (my mother especially) weren’t too keen on the idea of me pursuing a life in the arts. I was a talented young pianist, and my teachers told me I could go far if I wanted to and applied myself. The only music career my parents wanted for me was that of church organist because all artists were “druggies and alcoholics” (my mother’s words).

So when I started writing, I didn’t talk about it. I hid my journals and notebooks (when I still lived at home) to not be found out. The worst of all was that I let someone else’s vision of what an artist looked like (drug addicts and drunks) skew my own perception. I started to believe that I couldn’t succeed, and that maybe it was a world I didn’t deserve to belong to.

Things began to shift when I entered university. I spent most of my time writing instead of completing course assignments or studying. That was when I realized writing was more than just a hobby. Writing was what I was passionate about, what brought me real joy. And it would take several more years of peeling away the past before really committing to it — to be willing and feeling free to live my own life.

Oprah Winfrey, writing about fulfillment, reminds us that we must “[…] find the courage to tune out the negative voices telling you all the reasons to give up. Make the choice to turn up the volume to your unique calling, the glory that is your own life.”[note]The Wisdom of Sundays by Oprah Winfrey, Flatiron Books, p. 175.[/note] That is, undoubtedly, the best way to honour who you are.

Turning up the volume to my own unique calling, I started living in a state of grace.

This Is It

If you’ve been reading my blog since the beginning of the year, you know I’ve been “in crisis,” so to speak. Something has been shifting underneath my feet, and it’s left me feeling restless and anxious. In an otherwise happy life, I didn’t feel at home in this world. I didn’t feel like I was in a place of belonging. And that’s what scared me the most.

This journey to connect with the deepest part of myself — as scary as it feels (it’s terrifying, actually) — reminds me that this is it. Whatever I want to do, who I want to be … now is the time to act. I’m a writer, and I dream of writing full-time and being free of my day job. So what can I do today to work towards that goal? Write. Every day. And take risks, like publishing my next book (it’s back with my editor). Finish something else (I’m currently revising another novel-length manuscript). I must write every day and be grateful for my day job, which allows me, through my writing, to be of service. That also means I must be mindful of my thoughts and actions. Constantly checking Twitter, Facebook or my sales rank on Amazon won’t help me finish my next book or get to that place of belonging. Now, right here where I am, is the time to focus on what matters so that I can make the life I want.

That’s when I’m living in a state of grace.

Paulo Coelho said, “You are here to honour something called the miracle of life. You can be here to fill your hours and days with something that is meaningless. But you know that you have a reason to be here. It is the only thing that gives you enthusiasm.”[note]The Wisdom of Sundays by Oprah Winfrey, Flatiron Books, p. 178.[/note] And he’s right.

Writing is the reason I’m here, and it is the thing that gives me enthusiasm. And I’m grateful every day for my talent and gift … to be of service.

Every day I write, every day I accept that I’m enough, every day I honour who I am … I’m living in a state of grace.

Do you know the reason you’re here? Are you living your own life? Are you honouring who you are? Let me know in the comments section below.

Don’t Be Discouraged

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Happy New Year!

I woke up on 1 January to the cruelest of jokes. At least I wanted to think it was a joke. The scratchy feeling in the back of my throat, and the pain swallowing. The throbbing between my eyes. The nasal pressure and congestion. This was how 2018 was starting out for me? It had to be a joke, right?

Nope. No joke. My body was, one more time, telling me to slow down and smell the roses, to let myself rest. Did I do that? Of course not. I still got on my flight to Vancouver and carried on as if nothing was wrong.

I’m back home now and feeling better. There’s just one thing. When I woke up this morning (Wednesday, 3 January 2018), I didn’t have a voice. Something happened between the time I went to bed and got up. As an introvert, I’m not much of a talker anyway. But at the moment, I can’t even say, “Hello,” into the phone.

This is not how I imagined starting off the New Year. I don’t like being sick because I don’t like to rest, be sidelined. I like to think — despite all evidence to the contrary — that I can keep going and going … like the Energizer Bunny. Sick, I’ve done a minimum amount of writing each day. Sick, I can’t seem to focus and feel like I’m spinning. Sick, I feel like everything comes screeching to a halt. I panic. I can’t breathe.

Why is that, bon gré mal gré, I’m so eager to look to the future and where I hope to be? All I end up doing is stressing myself out about things that I want (need) to get done and chastising myself even though I don’t have the energy to get them done. Am I being too hard on myself? Maybe.

I’m not particularly proud of the current state of my desk, but I seem to thrive on organized chaos. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.

So I’m stepping back and trying to be in the present moment, the now. I’m taking the time, sort of, to let my body heal. (It felt really odd to just lay on the sofa and chill for a couple of hours this afternoon, but I did it!) I can still be productive, but I just have to slow down my pace. Maybe I can’t write for long swaths of time, so maybe I organize my desk instead (it’s a disaster and has been for the past three months). I can catch up on my reading (I’m really enjoying Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita). I can check in with my writer friends on social media (I still struggle trying to balance writing and social media).

Falling sick at the beginning of 2018 reminds me that there are things beyond my control. Getting sick is one of them. It reminds me, too, that I am on a journey. And that I don’t need to rush. I’ll get to my destination in my own time, in my own way.

So as 2018 begins, I will try to simply savour each day, each moment along the way. I’m not going to worry too much about what I have or haven’t accomplished in the past three days. I’m going to begin, now, where I am, and the rest will follow.

I can, and will, follow the counsel of Corita Kent: “Love the moment, and the energy of that moment will spread beyond all boundaries.”

What are your goals for 2018? Have you started working to achieve them? Let me know in the comments section below.